Missing

Homesickness and I are good friends..not so much because I am always homesick, but I am prone to it and have been my whole life. When I was younger and even through my teen years I didn't much like sleep overs, I had a hard time being away from my Mum. Even now I am good for about a week away from Mark and I start to melt down, literally. So I guess homesickness for me has always been about people, not a place.

I remember one occasion, I must have been 10ish and I went on a camping trip with my best friend and her family to New Hampshire. The only memory I have of that trip is how homesick I was the entire time. I really thought I was going to die, literally, I felt that miserable. I don't know if the family I was with knew, I was a suffer in silence kinda kid. But, one evening we were at the local grocery that was right beside the Saco River Camp Ground where we were staying and we ran into my aunt Peggy (she had moved to that area and we would too in a few years) and all I can remember is falling into her arms sobbing. I guess that gave it away. I remember finding so much comfort in the arms of family.

That is really all I can remember from that trip, not all the cool stuff I am sure we did....

I have been homesick the last few days...I miss my kids, I miss my babies, I miss my mum and I miss my sisters. I have been unable to find a cure for this, it just seems to come and go with no real rhyme or reason. I don't like it, it kind puts me in a funk and tends to make me pull inward. It is bouts of this that I can if I let myself feel sorry for myself and wondering about some of the decisions I have made through the years that have put me in a different country than my family. However, when I can think clearly and see not through the lens of self pity but through the lens of reality, I wouldn't change a thing, really. So I guess I take these days, weeks as they come and know they will pass.

But one thing I know is true, if nothing else (but there is much more), my mother instilled in me a very deep sense of family and the importance of those relationships. So much so that time without physical interaction leaves an emptiness inside me. For that I am forever thankful and grateful. Even if it is debilitating sometimes!