Thursday, May 19, 2011

My relationship with food

is a complicated and lovely issue. I grew up with a mom who was a wonderful cook, she loved it and she put her heart and soul into everything she made. She LOVED to feed you and nurture you with the goodness from her kitchen. Most of my fondest memories are visions of my mom in the kitchen. I remember the first thanksgiving after she died taking a bite of "her" turnips and carrots and crying. Tastes and smells are very strong reminders of things past. Growing up in New England our kitchen was a very important room in our home. It was big with lots room to hang out and be together. It was always the coziest room in the house especially in the winter when it was frigid cold outside. There was always something cooking on the stove and something to nibble on. To this day when I am "down" I will cook a "mom" recipe because I know it will comfort my soul. Food feeds my soul as well as my body and I find much comfort in food. If you know my family at all it is ALL ABOUT THE FOOD and we LOVE that about us. In other words it is always a good time to eat!

Flip the coin....In this equation I also learned to use food as medication for pain, sadness, fear, and frustration. This..... I do not love. For years food has been my drug of choice, probably longer than I am even aware. This is something I am trying to change. I am trying to build a healthier attitude toward food and its role in my life. As an example last week I got home from a day out in the field and due to a few different things I was very frustrated...I was in the door 5 mins and I had consumed 2 packages of fruit snacks (we had bought for the grandkids who are coming), some goldfish and one other thing I cannot even remember. It was mindless! I pretty quickly was aware of what I had done and was not happy. I knew the only reason I add those things was because I was so frustrated. Now granted that was not a crazy amount of food, let me assure you there were times that would have been waaayyyyyyy worse. But even with that recent event I think I am making progress. I have found the shift in my thinking goes hand in hand with my physical activity. I really am finding that my emotions are in general stronger, more in check. And now when I am feeling a bit of frustration, anger what ever, I look to get out and run. In this choice I find I think, think about what is under my skin try to come to some understanding whereas mindless eating it just that..mindless and serves not long term purpose. Now, I know there is a danger in replacing the two..food and exercise can both become drugs..but it is not that. It is a balancer...and it works because we need it for all things to function properly. Exercise does make you mentally strong along with physically strong. I know there is science behind that but I am not going try to explain that...um yeah...not that smart. I just dream about being a Sheldon or a Dr. Reed

Now back to loving food..I DO and I don't want to not love and enjoy food. Since weight has been a struggle for so long..food has always been an enemy...thus the abuse of it I guess. Use to be a constant item of thought,,what..how much..etc. When you are always thinking about it, it takes a much bigger place than it should. This too is changing....I feel so much more at peace with food. I don't stress about it, I eat things I love and not feel guilty. The way I eat is changing because my mind is changing..what I want, when and how often I want all seems to sorting itself out. You become more in tune with what you need to feel good , which takes on a different meaning too! Eating "crazy" as I like to call it really does become an occasional thing.
I love and want food to feed my soul. I think that is a lovely thing.










1 comment:

elizabeth ann said...

i am very much looking forward to feeding our souls together at la creperia in less than a month. so exciting.

love you.