Hopelessly Optimistic

Last night at the end of a very busy Thanksgiving Day, friends of my son Eric called and said "hey wanna run a 5K tomorrow, there is a Black Friday Turkey Trot" Mark and Eric immediately said yes, we're in....ME on the other hand very hesitant and to be really real here, scared at the thought of running an actual race event. I knew I could technically do the distance, but I was so fearful of my time, my ability to run the race and not look totally stupid in the process. I had visions of getting to the end..Mark and Eric waiting, the street cleaners sweeping the roads and not a soul in sight, cause by the time I crossed the finish line they all went home! Before bed I got on-line and started google-ing race times, average time for a 5K etc.. and got myself totally worked up. I went to bed not sure if I would "do the race" making NO commitment.

Well, God is a funny funny man, person, being (not sure how to say that)....Eric woke up late (no shocker there) and I had no time to think, so I made a quick decision, got up, dressed and was out the door! I registered, got my t-shirt and chip, and began to wait for race time. Again the doubt tape began to play. The first stretch was an incline...really?, REALLY!!! I do not run hills, thank you VERY much. I did not "train" for hills!! I started seeing people, and some you knew immediately were serious runners and quite frankly scared the FIRE OUT OF ME...I just kept thinking oh, please please I do not want to be last......Please not last!!!

When it got close to starting time I moved myself to the back of the pack..I did NOT want to get caught up with the front runners pack or PACE for that matter..I would have been flat on my face in a New York min. ..seriously!!! Then, there was a sign from heaven..over the speakers... U2/ Vertigo began to play, this had to mean good things right?! The gun shot, the crowd moved and so did my stomach and off I went. But here was my big struggle: setting my own pace..with all these people around me some faster and some slower, I was soooo off my stride, and was fighting to settle in. Before long the crowd made natural shifts into groups and I could see who was running at the same pace me. Sometimes I would move ahead and then fall back, and on and on you go, I kept my head down and kept moving.... Then I saw it.."THE BIG HILL" that got me coming and going..Had to walk both sides of it, which was a mental game in my head, because I had long stopped walking during a 3 miles run. But I kept fighting to "keep my head" in the run, because my mind is the tougher muscle to keep moving, way tougher than my body.

I rounded the last turn and new the finish line was close but I couldn't see it. I put my head down and just kept moving, an crested the top of a hill and it was all down hill...literally...I could see the finish line..and I thought I DID THIS! I crossed the finish line and I WAS NOT LAST!

This race taught me several things:

1. Time really does not matter..it is about being in it and finishing it.

2. The running world is big and made up of ALL KINDS OF RUNNERS.

3. Others want you to succeed and they let you know it!

4. I CAN DO THIS!

So here is how I finished..I guess if I put it out there, it will get me past the pressure I put on myself about performance issues and feeling inadequate:

Time: 43:08 (I wanted to finish under 45)

So all said and done and sitting on the couch....my coulda shoulda wouda time..Closer to 40, IF

I could have made the BIG HILL without walking (so gotta run more hills)

IF I had turned it on going down the final hill..

Tonight I sit happy and Hopelessly Optimistic that I can do this running thing after all!

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www.torchone.blogspot.com