Being present in the moment

Active waiting means to be present, fully, to the moment, in the conviction that something is happening where you are and that you want to be present to it. A waiting person is someone who is present to the moment who believes that this IS THE moment. Henri Nouwen

I like the term "active waiting" because it implies more than a stationary action. It implies more than expectation.
I often sit waiting, waiting for something, something big to happen to define my life, who I am, what direction my life is to take and find a purpose. But the reality is that in each moment God is doing something, and [AS] I live, in each moment my direction is defined.
I am not talking about busyness and noise I am talking about living and being aware of how God is moving in me NOW. I think it is about being sensitive to the little things and notice the things that maybe would pass me by. I need to be present to God and what HE is doing, and not what I want Him to do. That in the waiting I am listen to Him and not reasoning to create what I want.

I remember when my mom was dying and my sisters and I were taking care of her in her final weeks, her final days.. her final day.. her final hours.. her final breathe. I remember vividly praying

"God help me to be present in the moment, every moment. Please allow me to feel and be sensitive to all of the pain and joy of the moments I have at this time in my life"

The thing is I am good at living a guarded life. I knew I did not want the time to just pass by me and miss what was happening in those moments of pure love and intense intimacy. I found as I was present the moments were small and quiet, they were in places deep with me and often places I had not visited in a long while. Had I not been careful, aware, I would have missed what God was doing. Because the truth is I am good at keeping those places well guarded, for many reasons.
But that really is what life with God is, no? pure love and intimacy. However, a life with guarded places, from the pain and in consequence, the joy, is a life missing the definition of what God is creating me to be. Because when I have a life of active listening, I am not waiting for my moment to speak, I am listening and truly hearing what is being said to me. And just as the result of my final days with my mother was the passing of her life, active listening can be painful, but at the same time I found that it was a time that God formed me in a way that could have not happened ANY other way. Often when we truly listen and do not guard ourselves we do not always like what we are hearing, what is being asked of us, but, I encourage us to not turn our ear, but open ourselves with the knowledge that God is creating us in HIS image and moving in our lives to transform the world for Him.