The last words that my mom spoke to [me] were "I love you too, honey" She whispered those words into my ear and I still can hear them today, although the actual sound of her voice is very faded. Those were not my moms last words but the last ones I feel were just for me. I had returned home to New England, for an indefinite stay, as news of my mother's cancer had progressed and it seemed the end was near.
It was July 4th...I made the drive to the hospital 1 1/2 hrs from my sister Sha's house..listening to Van Morrison feeling a sense numbness in the midst of a beautiful summer day. I don't know how many of you have ever been to New England but New England is still, out of a story book,small town America, I love it there. My two older sisters Sha and Cher were getting ready for my mother to be moved back home, my youngest sister Lis had just had a baby the day before, and I went to spend the day with my mom. I was looking forward to the day alone with her. She wasn't speaking much anymore, but I spent the day talking to her. She was sleeping a lot because we had stopped treatment and she was very medicated. I remember sitting by her bed crying most of the day at the thought of loosing her and feeling so deeply sad because I realized that day, we were really going to loose her. I spent the day seeing flashbacks of memories of my mother and my life with her and my sisters. I thought of the future and all she wouldn't be with us to experience and how scared I was to face her death. It was a profound day for me, the next weeks would prove to be a profound and forming time in my life....that would change the way I viewed almost every part of my life.
As I was getting ready to leave, I got into bed with my mom (as my sisters and I grew up doing...but the nurses DID NOT LIKE) and told her I loved her and after a day of silence she whispered, "I love you too, honey".
I miss my mom and Mother's Day is hard.
3 comments:
My mom died of cancer about 14 years ago. She lived with us those last months and I don't think I'll ever lose the horror or unreality of what that disease does.
A few months after she died, I found a purse of hers in the back of a closet. I opened it up, buried my face in it and breathed. I was transported.
Sometimes I still go to London Drugs just to catch the scent of White Shoulders ...
I know how that is I go by the perfume counter just to smell her
Thanks for sharing that with me!
i got tears in my eyes when i read this story. it is very sad and very sweet
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