Hopelessly Optimistic

Good Bites {1}

2011-08-26T19:22:00.000-07:00

I recently got into PINTEREST......{anyone who knows what this is knows the next comment} ENOUGH SAID! Yep it is highly addictive. Anywaaaaaaaaay.... I saw this recipe yesterday and had to try it. I wanted to make it last night, went to the store for the fresh produce, but knew I was running last night and decided to wait for today where I had a bit more time to spend in the kitchen. Well, it is so good I had to share it with you! From what I can gather it comes from a cookbook {Sara Foster's Southern Kitchen}. It is very easy to make and because the presentation is so beautiful it would be a great company appetizer or side dish.

I made it true to the recipe but I did change a couple of small things. I guess then I really didn't..but the adjustments are very small :)

1} I did not use Ranch Dressing as the finishing sauce (YUK) I made a basil sauce (recipe below) instead and it was great, after all there is basil in the corn cakes.

2} I added a small amount of chopped roasted jalapeno peppers in the relish. Probably 1

pepper. Mark likes heat!

3} I seeded the tomato

I served it with grilled chicken BUT it could be a total veggie meal (Mel, here is one for meatless Monday)

Corn Cakes with Tomato Avocado Relish (makes 12)

Ingredients:
For the corn cakes:
3 large ears of corn, shucked
1 cup all-purpose flour
½ cup cornmeal
¼ cup red onion, finely diced
¼ cup thinly sliced fresh basil
1 tsp. baking powder
½ tsp. baking soda
Coarse salt and freshly ground pepper
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
2 tbsp. buttermilk
2 tbsp. unsalted butter, melted
Canola or vegetable oil, for frying

Ranch dressing, for serving (optional)

For the relish:
1 large tomato, cored and chopped
1 scallion, minced
1 tbsp. minced fresh basil
1 clove garlic, minced
Juice of half a lime
1½ tsp. olive oil
1½ tsp. white wine vinegar
Coarse salt and freshly ground pepper
1 ripe avocado, pitted and diced

Directions:
Cut the corn kernels off of the cobs and place in a large bowl. Place 2 cups of the corn kernels in the food processor and pulse several times, until the corn is slightly pureed but still chunky. Scrape the mixture into the bowl with the remaining corn kernels. Add the flour, cornmeal, onion, basil, baking powder, and baking soda to the bowl. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Stir to mix well. Add the eggs, buttermilk, and butter, and stir just to combine.

To make the salsa, combine all of the ingredients except the avocado in a medium bowl and mix well to combine. Cover and refrigerate until ready to serve, up to 2 days. Just before serving, mix in the avocado.

Place a large skillet over medium heat. Add just enough oil to barely cover the bottom of the pan and heat until sizzling hot. Scoop the batter into the skillet a heaping tablespoon at a time, cooking the cakes in batches of 4 or 5 so that they are not touching. Fry 1-2 minutes per side, until golden brown. Transfer the cooked cakes to a wire rack and repeat with the remaining batter.

Serve immediately topped with the relish and drizzled with ranch dressing, if desired.

My Basil Sauce

I cup of fresh basil

1 cup of sour cream or plain greek yogurt

S&P

Pulse the basil in the food processor to chop, add yogurt and S & P, pulse together. Chill till serving time.

Gandhi said

2011-07-31T09:56:00.001-07:00

"Poverty is the worst form of Violence"

Don’t ask: “Why does God allow this to happen?”

Pray: “God… give me the wisdom and strength to do what I must to stop this from happening?”

This image chills me to my soul. Life has shown me that this is real, it not a dramatization or an exaggeration. It has also shown me that children die from poverty and they die quietly in some of the poorest villages on earth, far removed from the scrutiny and conscience of the world.

They die as mothers watch and are helpless to help. They die because they were born poor in countries of no resource.

Should this life position mean this harsh reality? I would say no.

One thing I know is that God did not make a mistake and create too many people and not enough stuff. The problem is there are far too many of us taking and keeping more than we should, using and wasting more natural resources at the expense of others. The reality is we are responsible and need to remember what we all learned in the sandbox "You have to share"

The box is open

2011-07-07T20:38:00.001-07:00

Let's face it Jillian scares me, don't let that smile on the DVD box fool you...she is a tough cookie. I bought this video a long while ago and I had yet to open the box, cause I was scerrrd..but fear lost when my fear of not burning calories was bigger and WON the head battle. A calf injury forced my hand. Sooooooo I opened the box and finally started what I knew I needed to do..some strength training. I started this video this week, have done it twice and it kicks MY BUTT. I mean really..tonight while struggling in a plank position I had sweat dripping from my nose.

It will be a work in progress, I am a little short of the entire video..BUT I surprised myself with how much I could do. I can for sure get stronger through all the circuits but hey I'm doing mountain climbers for heavens sake, and these crazy plank/hold.. oblique twist thingys, I KNOW last summer that wasn't happening!

Here is what I am looking forward to with this added dimension to my fitness program;

muscle and core strength that I believe will make me a stronger runner

loss of more inches in more places

flexibility

continued weight loss

So here we go....

2011-05-29T23:04:00.001-07:00

There are milestones and I noticed one recently in my mindset about health and well being.

There was a time, most of my life actually, if there was an excuse to {not} exercise I would take it...didn't take much to give me a reason not to exercise.

Recently a couple of experiences told me my mind set had changed.

1) rain ...I headed out to run in a drizzle. It certainly would be safe to say that a light drizzle would have kept me in doors and totally justified not to exercise. But as I was running the rain began coming harder and harder. I had water running of the end of my noise but I was determined to finish a certain amount of time in spite of the rain. I did draw the line at thunder and lightening with fear of actually dying out there!

2) Time....It certainly would be safe to say that a schedule conflict would have kept me from exercise. But recently I found myself making the decision to head out for a run when I only had 1 1/2 hours between getting home and a dinner engagement. I ran, showered and had a perfectly lovely dinner.

I like that I am increasingly less likely to want to make excuses to exercise. Not because my will power has gotten stronger but because there has been a shift in my mind. I have said before that I am aware that this is all a head game for me. So it stands to reason that if my{head} is in a different place then there will be change in my actions and reactions. I have grown accustomed to how good I feel when I am moving and how moving removes the power food has over me. I actually think about food and exercise less than ever before BUT am managing my weight and fitness better than ever before. Funny how that works out.

Just breathe

2011-05-29T22:29:00.000-07:00

I am trying to become really in tune to my breathing while I run. I am finding that [this] exercise is such an important part of the run. It is the element that will make me or break me. When my breathing becomes "off" my run become labored and difficult. I often have to stop re-group and restart. I think this is why I struggle more when I run in hotter tempts, for whatever reason when it is hotter I struggle to keep my breathing paced and consistent. I have read and heard many different approaches to breathing and running..this is what I know to be helpful

1) Breathe through your mouth AND nose. This provides the amount of oxygen to the body it needs to run. When I have tried the "in through the nose out through the mouth" practice I struggled because I constantly felt winded.

2) Take full and complete breaths. I like for my breaths to feel deep but comfortable

3) Exhale completely as well, use your lung capacity.

So I am trying to count to 3 on the intake and exhale to a count of 2. This seems to be a good ratio for me. I have learned that breathing is a great self regulator to your pace. I want my runs to make me sweat.... But, also to be comfortable enough that I can maintain for some distance. Sometimes I find I have to adjust my pace to keep my breathing comfortable..my body speaks to itself, I just need to listen. Not that I always want to..mind you. I want to be better than I am but my body tells me the truth! HOWEVER, if I do listen and adjust.... my body will progress and so will my ability.

My relationship with food

2011-05-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

is a complicated and lovely issue. I grew up with a mom who was a wonderful cook, she loved it and she put her heart and soul into everything she made. She LOVED to feed you and nurture you with the goodness from her kitchen. Most of my fondest memories are visions of my mom in the kitchen. I remember the first thanksgiving after she died taking a bite of "her" turnips and carrots and crying. Tastes and smells are very strong reminders of things past. Growing up in New England our kitchen was a very important room in our home. It was big with lots room to hang out and be together. It was always the coziest room in the house especially in the winter when it was frigid cold outside. There was always something cooking on the stove and something to nibble on. To this day when I am "down" I will cook a "mom" recipe because I know it will comfort my soul. Food feeds my soul as well as my body and I find much comfort in food. If you know my family at all it is ALL ABOUT THE FOOD and we LOVE that about us. In other words it is always a good time to eat!

Flip the coin....In this equation I also learned to use food as medication for pain, sadness, fear, and frustration. This..... I do not love. For years food has been my drug of choice, probably longer than I am even aware. This is something I am trying to change. I am trying to build a healthier attitude toward food and its role in my life. As an example last week I got home from a day out in the field and due to a few different things I was very frustrated...I was in the door 5 mins and I had consumed 2 packages of fruit snacks (we had bought for the grandkids who are coming), some goldfish and one other thing I cannot even remember. It was mindless! I pretty quickly was aware of what I had done and was not happy. I knew the only reason I add those things was because I was so frustrated. Now granted that was not a crazy amount of food, let me assure you there were times that would have been waaayyyyyyy worse. But even with that recent event I think I am making progress. I have found the shift in my thinking goes hand in hand with my physical activity. I really am finding that my emotions are in general stronger, more in check. And now when I am feeling a bit of frustration, anger what ever, I look to get out and run. In this choice I find I think, think about what is under my skin try to come to some understanding whereas mindless eating it just that..mindless and serves not long term purpose. Now, I know there is a danger in replacing the two..food and exercise can both become drugs..but it is not that. It is a balancer...and it works because we need it for all things to function properly. Exercise does make you mentally strong along with physically strong. I know there is science behind that but I am not going try to explain that...um yeah...not that smart. I just dream about being a Sheldon or a Dr. Reed

Now back to loving food..I DO and I don't want to not love and enjoy food. Since weight has been a struggle for so long..food has always been an enemy...thus the abuse of it I guess. Use to be a constant item of thought,,what..how much..etc. When you are always thinking about it, it takes a much bigger place than it should. This too is changing....I feel so much more at peace with food. I don't stress about it, I eat things I love and not feel guilty. The way I eat is changing because my mind is changing..what I want, when and how often I want all seems to sorting itself out. You become more in tune with what you need to feel good , which takes on a different meaning too! Eating "crazy" as I like to call it really does become an occasional thing.

I love and want food to feed my soul. I think that is a lovely thing.

Community living

2011-05-14T09:16:00.001-07:00

Community.....

God creating us as he did knew how very essential this would be in our journeys, something we could not do without. He created this need, this craving within us to draw us to himself and to others. Just as He, The Christ and The Spirit are in perfect community our spirits long for the same. This has become very real to Mark and me over the past 3 years living in Honduras. As time passes we are more acutely aware of the void that is in our lives...in our hearts..in our souls. We so miss the community we shared with in our church, our friends, our work places. Each of these circles of community fed our souls and without them the feeling of isolation grows.

We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community. Dorothy Day

I'm not at all sure what is to be done, it is what it is, as my husband would say. We throughly love our life and our life's calling. It is simply a part of that life and that calling.

It is like any experience that brings you to new understandings..... deeper understandings about life, God and yourself. Growth comes with some discomfort.

I try to look for the benefits of this season in the midst and I do see them..Mark and I continue to grow closer.... we took up running together which we both enjoy the shared interest and these things are good, very good. It is fighting feelings that cause us to focus on loneliness, discouragement and the wandering thought of "can we do this"

But this I know.... we can and we want to..it is just that the journey is sometimes hard. It is bizarre when you are experiencing your best dream and worst nightmare all at the same time.

HOW'S THE RUNNING...

2011-05-08T21:57:00.000-07:00

It's going good, thank you for asking.

So lately I have been noticing that toward the end of my runs my back begins at ache. It is not pain just a dull ache. I guess I should put into practice what I have been reading, strength training really should go hand in hand with running. So adding sit ups to my exercise routine will begin this week. Core training seems to be essential to running. I was kinda hoping that everything would just spring into shape "from" running however that apparently is not how it works. I just can't seem to catch a break for heaven's sake.

History

2011-05-03T19:51:00.001-07:00

The past couple of days I have struggled with my feelings around the killing of Osama Bin Laden. When I first got wind that "something happened"..facebook status updates of course, I searched breaking news and found that he had indeed been found and killed. My first reaction was YES....oh, yes!! Finally! I watched the news, heard our president speak, and got emotional at the thought of 9/11 and the vivid memories I have, we all have. I don't have to tell you how I felt..we all felt it. We were all throw right back to where we stood 10 years ago, with the same ball in our stomach and tears in our eyes.

But as I watched and people began to gather in front of the White House and ground zero my mind shifted and my heart began to feel heavy....There was something wrong with what I was seeing. It send me back to the days that followed 9/11 and the pictures we saw of people in the streets of other countries who were celebrating the destruction of our cities and the death of people. Burning the american flag..chanting and cheering. And I thought....that is not who we are.

Do I breathe a little easier knowing this evil man no longer has control and influence in this world, absolutely. Am I happy to know that under "his hand" the world will never suffer another terrorist attack, absolutely. Am I happy for the peace that this event brings to many many people who have suffered beyond what I can know because of this man's distorted mind, absolutely. I believe this was justice.

What I also believe is that even though this action was necessary I know that I am a follower of The Christ who spoke words like "Forgive them Father" and "Love your enemies" I know TRUTH says the best weapon we have in any situation is love and the continuation of this event is just a reminder of how far we are from a world that is capable of love. It scares me when we engage in celebratory activity over death and darkness because we can only be drawn deeper into that darkness. God tells us choose love and when we don't?

2011-05-01T20:07:00.000-07:00

One thing that continues to grow more difficult living away from family and friends is a feeling of isolation, with that said we just completed a visit with long time friends Frank and Krista Yurchak. We cannot begin to say a grand enough thank you for coming "to us," we are grateful for time and money sacrificed to make a visit possible. We are thankful for coming to uplift us, love us and fill our hearts. We feel this way whenever we have the

blessing of visitors, these visits keep us going and strengthened.

However, way beyond what these visits do for us we love being part of the work of HOPE. Whether it is bringing hope to the people of Honduras or it is for visitors to this place. Watching God work is an amazing show! There is one thing that is crystal clear, the relationship between the poor and visitors is a river of hope that flows in two directions...... simultaneously.

Water.....

2011-04-19T09:32:00.000-07:00

.........Don't waste it.

Living in Honduras has taught me that. Human nature I guess, but until water is an issue for [me] like I might not have any, I don't really give it much thought. But once it affects ME well then, that is a different story.

This past week our cistern got really low..it is dry season and water is restricted. Not in the sense you can't water your yard, but in the sense you might not have water to bathe, flush your toilet, do laundry etc...

It is times like these that have made me become so aware of every drop of water I use.

An American taking a five-minute shower uses more water than a typical person in a developing country uses in a whole day.

Water is life. It is a natural recourse we take for granted.

In just one day, more than 200 million hours of women’s time is consumed for the most basic of human needs — collecting water for domestic use.

Every 20 seconds, a child dies from a water-related disease.

Billions of people need water, let's find ways to conserve and reduce our water use.

Hearty, Healthy and Yummy

2011-04-18T20:48:00.000-07:00

Farro Salad with Tomatoes and Herbs
Recipe from Giada De Laurentiis cookbook

Ingredients

4 cups water
10 ounces farro (about 1 1/2 cups)
2 teaspoons salt, plus more to taste
1 pound tomatoes, seeded and chopped
1/2 sweet onion (recommended: Walla Walla) chopped
1/4 cup snipped fresh chives
1/4 cup finely chopped fresh Italian parsley leaves
1 large garlic clove, minced
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
Freshly ground black pepper
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil

Directions

Combine the water and farro in a medium saucepan. Add 2 teaspoons of salt. Bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce the heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer until the farro is tender, about 30 minutes. Drain well, and then transfer to a large bowl to cool.

Add the tomatoes, onion, chives, and parsley to the farro, and toss to combine.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the garlic, vinegar, salt, pepper, and olive oil. Add the vinaigrette to the salad and toss to coat.

The salad can be refrigerated overnight. Bring to room temperature before serving.

Cooked Farro

Garlic and salt made into paste

Tomatoes and herbs

Finished Salad

Couple of notes: In my preparation I had to make a couple of alterations because of availability. I used regular parsley because I could not get flat leave today. There was also no chives so I left them out, but use them if you have access. I used red onion.

Quick side

2011-04-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

This is a really quick side you can serve with grilled meat for a very fast but yummy dinner.

Zucchini and Red Pepper Couscous

1. In a med. saute pan cook till tender:

1 tblsp Olive Oil

1 med. zucchini quartered then sliced (you want small pieces)

1 small red bell pepper (small chop)

2. Prepare 1 cup of couscous according to package directions. I use chicken broth in place of the water. You could use vegetable broth if you're a vegetarian.

Add the couscous to the skillet and stir. Add some freshly grated parmesan cheese and cracked pepper.

You can add more chicken broth if you prefer a wetter couscous.

Note: You can also do the same with oven roasted broccoli and onions.

2011-04-16T18:04:00.000-07:00

I was reading about St. Francis of Assisi today because I was reminded of a quote of his. "Preach the gospel at all time, and when necessary use words." This is part of what I read;

Francis' birth name was Giovanni. He was the son of a wealthy cloth merchant in Assisi, and he lived the high-spirited life typical of a wealthy young man, even fighting as a soldier for Assisi. While going off to war in 1204, Francis had a vision that directed him back to Assisi, where he lost his taste for his worldly life.

Francis heard a sermon that changed his life. The sermon was about Matthew 10:9, in which Christ tells his followers they should go forth and proclaim that the kingdom of heaven was upon them, that they should take no money with them, nor even a walking stick or shoes for the road. Francis was inspired to devote himself to a life of poverty.

I was thinking about this this morning as I was cooking pancakes for Melvin, Yoni and Christian and I thought maybe this is exactly what conversion is, Maybe it is a complete turn around and "loss" of taste for a previous life. I know you must be thinking ...well, of course Lori it is a complete turn around, isn't that what a conversion is?...and I would answer yes, but hear me out, how different are we? What about our life really changes? I think that if we really changed in a way that caused us to care about the things that God cares about, it, we would look really different, completely different. I am not making light of the changes we do make, But, I am afraid our lives really do not look very different from the world around us. I do not think we have "lost our taste" for this world, in a way we could leave it all behind. There are to many things we love, hold to and embrace that keep attached to this world.

Side note:

St Francis of Assisi probably best know for his famous prayer:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

Cooking Magazines....

2011-04-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

I love them, they don't pile up like they use to, how ever I do seem to attract them. It is usually one the first things I do in Houston airport. I go to the closest news stand and by Food Network, Martha Stewart, Cooking Light and Runner's World. The runner's world makes me feel like not such a nerd.

I scour every page, check the recipes for ingredients to determine if could make it in Honduras, I ooh and ahhhh and love every

page! I usually read through them more than once. I make note of the recipes I think I might like to try ....However they eventually end up in a basket, and there they stay. After time I can't remember what I wanted in each one, and I really do not want to go back through all of them trying to remember so they stay in the basket....

About 6, 8 10 oh, I don't know how many years ago, I started a binder of ideas from christmas magazines. I would pull the pages of decorating, table settings, recipes, gift wrapping ideas I liked and I put them in plastic sheet protectors in a binder. My theory was to take what I liked so I would remember but not have mounds of magazines, (which are mostly adds anyway..sorry pet peeve). See the thing is I am waayyy to OCD to tear them out and just fold them up and stick them in my recipe box..oh my no..um nope! So I started a binder! I have a Thanksgiving section and a Christmas section..I KNOW I AM SUCH A NERD!!! Everything is easy to see, easy to use. And the best thing... all NEAT and in one place and no more piles of magazines!

So I recently decided to do the same with "rest of the year" magazines.

Maybe this will help you, or all you get from this is a deeper look at my nerdy self. But, all I can say is my daughter use to laugh at my holiday binder, YEP NOW SHE HAS ONE TOO!!!

The Front (just liked this pic, reminds me of home)

Glimpses of the inside

Confession Time

2011-04-10T19:59:00.000-07:00

Ok I am going to tell you something I am a little embarrassed about. Tonight I was googling about the upcoming royal wedding...No, wait that is not it, stop laughing, don't judge!!!.

Of course a zillion photos came up of the royal couple and I got a look at Kate's ring...Ok here it is ~ I knew by looking at it that it was once diana's ring~

How do I know that??!!!! Maybe it is because I can remember watching Diana & Charles wedding on TV, I remember her big pooffy dress, her cascading flowers, that loooong isle she walked down, I remember her train coming down the stairs as she exited St. Paul's Cathedral , I remember the carriage ride through the streets of London and I remember her ring.

In my defense it was 1981 I was 20 years old and I guess still believed in grand fairytales......

.......Then, I did not know the world I do now.

Man-go get um

2011-04-10T08:37:00.000-07:00

It is the season for MANGOS!

Hope you enjoy this as much as I do, cause

if I am going to OD on anything it will be this!

Let me suggest you serve it over chicken, pork or fish. It is also get as a dip with chips.

Real easy and oh, so yummy! IF my memory serves me correctly it is an adaption from a Bobby Flay recipe. Again, not science, add as much or as little of anything to suit your taste.

recipe:

4 ripe mangos cubed (the skin should look like a sunset)

4 scallions sliced

2 jalapeno peppers small dice this, one with seeds and one without

cilantro 1/2 cup of chopped

1 lime juice only

1 tblsp honey However if the Mangos are perfectly ripe and sweet you can leave this out.

3 twists of the pepper grinder

Mix it all together!

How to cut a mango

1. Cut down both side of the large pit in the middle

2. with the halves. Score it into cubes

3. Push the half inside out and slice off cubes

Health benefits of Mangoes
Mango fruit is rich in pre-biotic dietary fiber, vitamins, minerals and poly-phenolic flavonoidantioxidant compounds.
According to new research study, mango fruit has been found to protect against colon, breast, leukemia and prostate cancers. Several trial studies suggest that polyphenolic anti-oxidant compounds in mango are known to offer protection against breast and colon cancers.
Mango fruit is an excellent source of Vitamin-A and flavonoids like beta-carotene, alpha-carotene,and beta-cryptoxanthin. 100 g of fresh fruit provides 765 mg or 25% of recommended daily levels of vitamin A. Together, these compounds are known to have antioxidant properties and are essential for vision. Vitamin A is also required for maintaining healthy mucus membranes and skin. Consumption of natural fruits rich in carotenes known to protect body from lung and oral cavity cancers.
Fresh mango is a very rich source of potassium. Potassium in an important component of cell and body fluids that helps controlling heart rate and blood pressure.
It is also a very good source of vitamin-B6 (pyridoxine), vitamin-C and vitamin-E. Consumption of foods rich in vitamin C helps body develop resistance against infectious agents and scavenge harmful oxygen free radicals. Vitamin B-6 or pyridoxine is required for GABA hormone production in the brain. It also controls homocystiene levels in the blood which may otherwise be harmful to blood vessels resulting in CAD and stroke.
Copper is a co-factor for many vital enzymes, including cytochrome c-oxidase and superoxide dismutase (other minerals function as co-factors for this enzyme are manganese and zinc). Copper is also required for the production of red blood cells.

diet treadmill and jumping off

2011-04-08T20:32:00.000-07:00

I have been on the diet treadmill since I was in my twenties...Up and down..let's be honest mostly up. But because I have been in this arena for 3 decades I have some understandings..although you could argue I don't know a thing if I have been at this for so long...so you can take this or leave it.....

I always find it interesting when you lose weight people will ask you "how are you doing it?" wanting of course a magic answer that will make the daunting task easy, fast and maybe even fun! They always seem quite dismayed when you say "diet and exercise"...like you have completely disappointed them that you have not discovered the secret of the universe.

But it is the truth, it is hard, it takes discipline...it comes off way harder than it goes on AND not nearly as fun!

So here is what I know:

exercise is essential: find something you enjoy to do

processed food is bad

there are good carbs

calories in... calories out

drinking water does a body good

grazing is bad

there are good snacks

once you rid your body of the addiction to things like processed sugar, "white" foods, fried food, soda etc you WILL NOT crave it (as much)

a guilty pleasure treat is ok every once in awhile (let me just say ICE CREAM)

once you start moving you will want to move more

starving yourself does not work

totally depriving yourself will back fire

plan your eating, you won't get caught at the drive through

having a snack? put the amount you want to eat in a bowl and put the bag or box away.

it is helpful to keep a food journal

learn what a serving of food is; a serving of meat, a serving of cereal, a serving of fruit. You will be surprised!

eat the rainbow and I don't mean lucky charms

exercise will give you more energy

Book Review

2011-04-07T20:04:00.000-07:00

Evolving in Monkey Town by: Rachel Held Evans

A taste of the book: "evolution within the souls of individuals happens everyday, when we adapt our faith to change. Evolution means letting go of our false fundamentals so that God can get into those shadowy places we're not sure we want Him to be. It means being okay with being wrong, okay with not having all the answers, okay with never being finished.

Some of my favorite quotes from the book:

"as soon as you're able to step into someone else's shoes or look at the world from a different perspective, everything you believe becomes less certain, or at least less black and white"

" I never realized how important hope is to belief"

"we don't choose our world views they are chosen for us"

"Being a christian, it seemed, isn't about agreeing to a certain way; it is about embodying a certain way, It is about living as an incarnation of Jesus, as Jesus lived as an incarnation of God. It is about being Jesus..in tennis shoes"

"And yet the widows and orphans I met in India were actually less angry with God than I was. In fact, they loved him in a way I couldn't quite understand."

"It's not up to some politician to represent my Christian values to the world; it's up to me"

"Love is bigger than faith, and it's bigger than works, for it inhabits and transcends both."

"Love, It's that simple and that profound. It's that easy and that hard"

Am I glad I read it? Yes

Would I recommend it to you? Yes

Often the process of faith is hard and leaves me in midsts of doubt and with more questions than I have answers. Often shaking up everything I thought I knew and when the dust settles a new view has appeared. That is what monkey town is about. Coming to place that calls in question if Jesus is in my head or my heart.

Black Bean and Corn Salad

2011-04-07T18:59:00.000-07:00

Ok I am a firm believer that a recipe is only as good as the ingredients you put in it. Use canned brands that stand on their own and only really fresh produce and good olive oil. I really prefer rice wine vinegar with this. It is a clean light flavor.

This is what I threw together to eat with chicken tonight. It's really fresh tasting! There is no science to this. Add more or less of something if you want.

1 can of black beans, drained
1 can of corn, drained (2 cups of fresh off the cob is better but this works fine)
1/2 a med. red bell pepper chopped small
1 med. tomato (seeds removed) chopped small
2/3 scallions sliced

2 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp rice wine vinegar
S & P
Mix it all together!!!

2011-04-06T14:42:00.000-07:00

In a 16x16 wooden box they called a house, tucked away by a riverbed down a footpath road in a forgotten community in Honduras far from the conscience of the world lived a family.....of children. One of those an eight year old boy, left with no mommy. Alone with 5 siblings in a world that on a good day has little security. I can only imagine the fear, sadness and loneliness he had to be feeling. My chest gets tight when I think of it sometimes.

I lost my mom when I was a grown women. I remember the moment she left this world as if it were yesterday and daily I miss her. I remember feeling like an orphan when she died. I remember thinking "I am no ones daughter" and how lonely that felt. How abandoned I felt.

I remember looking across a concrete room into these beautiful brown eyes attached to a dirty face on a body with dirty clothes and little dirty feet with no shoes. I remember an instant feeling of connection, a moment of "Oh, there you are my love. I don't know who you are but you are part of my heart" It has been many years and our lives are still intertwined and I hurt sometimes when I think of that little boy. I hurt for his pain and lose and his feeling of abandonment, which based off of my own experience still feels everyday.

sometimes I am overwhelmed how God works and His decision to dance with us and create the most amazing love story of His world. I am overwhelmed by His love and care and His

heart for the very smallest and seemingly insignificant parts of His creation.

In this story I fall in love with the God that held the little soul of an eight year old boy in his hands. Feeling all of his fear, sadness and loneliness and ordained a divine meeting that would change two lives forever. Why I was part of this dance I do not know but I am thankful.

Wellness

2011-04-06T07:36:00.001-07:00

What I am coming to embrace about exercise is I am really talking about wellness. And this may be the first time in my life. I have always viewed and used exercise as a means to an end, to lose weight, sometimes successfully, sometimes not and NEVER permanent.

Exercise is really about fitness and holistic wellness, mind, body and spirit. I was reminded of this this week when I received a message from a friend who was encouraging me in my running. Fitness no matter what you choose not only achieves and maintains a healthy body weight but it also builds a strong body that gains physical endurance and is better to fight illness, disease and resist injury. It builds a strong mind that provides clarity of thought, confidence and determination that flows to all areas of my life and it builds a strong spirit that connects me to God, creation and myself. It controls stress, anger and anxiety.

I know lots of thin people who do not have healthy bodies, minds or spirits, so my goal is no longer solely to lose weight but to build a better self.

So the number on the scale and the number on the tag in my jeans becomes less stressful and less important, because it is about more than that, way more than that. Of course as those numbers decrease there is much happiness BUT the great part is the person stepping on that scale and pulling on those jeans is healthy and whole and looking great is just icing on the cake!

2011-04-05T19:51:00.000-07:00

Something that is really disturbing to me is when someone/anyone when talking about doing work in the name of The Christ uses words like I, me, & my. Don't these type of words just negate the words "in the name of The Christ?" That's all.

2011-03-31T19:17:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days when I got really discouraged running, that hasn't happened often but today my mind got the best of me. The run was hard from the first step, I struggled through most of it and came to two realizations:

1. In order to move ahead more weight loss needs to happen. So I buckle down shed more pounds and then #2 may change in ways I can't see right now.

2. I may never be the runner in [my mind] I hope to be, I may run but maybe never be a "runner." I don't see much progress happening at the moment but only time will tell where this will ultimately go. I am NOT giving up, don't read THAT. I am willing to keep working at this because I like where I have already journeyed to and want to continue down this road. Just stuck right now I guess.

So there you have it!

2011-03-02T07:29:00.000-08:00

So I am learning how to better use my music for better running. I learned I naturally move to the tempo of my music, so just picking songs I like doesn't always work, I tend to like depressing music I've been told. So I recently changed my playlist to songs all with a similar tempo to help pick up my pace and keep it up. I made a decision not to alter my time for now but try to up my pace and quick temp music helps me to do that. So in that, I am learning to embrace, to look forward to and not be afraid of the burning of my lungs (said with a sigh and the rolling of the eyes) Trying to push a little harder and challenge my ability, I will let you know how that works for me!

My new favorite running song..Stay The Night James Blunt

2011-02-28T07:51:00.001-08:00

( I actually wrote this about a week ago)

Sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks..my mum is gone. It has been 9 years and I don't miss her any less than I did the day she passed from my life. I remember clearly and vividly the moment she left us..it was the most profound and spiritual moment of my life.

To 4 girls she was everything to them their whole life. She was mum and dad and she did it against all odds. I only now know how hard her life had to have been and the sacrifices she made for her 4 daughters. I often look into the eyes of some of the women here and see her, see her struggle and her determination. I think that is why I am drawn to the fight of the women in this place, I think my soul identifies with them through my mum and the life I watched her live. I am often reminded of what "a little shit I was" (that what she would say.....LOL with all the love in the world) And I often wish I could change some things, say some things, have a few re-dos with my mum. Sometimes I want that so bad I ache.

My mother taught me many things but among them are:

Love your sisters

Don't give up on people, they just need some love

Life is hard but you keep going

There is always someone less fortunate than you and you should take care of them

Faith is about living not saying

There is a God

Women are strong

Family is the most important thing, you should be there for them

Food is therapy

Be proud of who you are

Speak your mind

don't be jealous

Don't lie

Be kind

You are not any better than anyone else

Care what people think

Work hard

Be dependable

Don't take yourself to seriously

old looking hands just mean you work hard

A few of these things have caused me problems in my life as I have grown and matured and figured a few things out...Let's take the "food is therapy one" enough said? But now staring down 50 I find wisdom in all of them. I am thankful for a mother who had the strength to live a very hard life and in the process instill in me the things that matter.

How I wish she were here to know Miles, Will, Maya, Mia, Kate they would love her and her them and they would be all the better for knowing her. I wish I could share my work with her, how I would love for her to be here with me! (although the trash would make her crazy!) I really think she would love it. Every now and then when I see a dragon fly go by I know she is here....

Life is full of loss and for some reason today I am feeling the loss of her in my life. I could use a little earlobe pinch right now.

Missing

2011-02-23T07:01:00.000-08:00

Homesickness and I are good friends..not so much because I am always homesick, but I am prone to it and have been my whole life. When I was younger and even through my teen years I didn't much like sleep overs, I had a hard time being away from my Mum. Even now I am good for about a week away from Mark and I start to melt down, literally. So I guess homesickness for me has always been about people, not a place.

I remember one occasion, I must have been 10ish and I went on a camping trip with my best friend and her family to New Hampshire. The only memory I have of that trip is how homesick I was the entire time. I really thought I was going to die, literally, I felt that miserable. I don't know if the family I was with knew, I was a suffer in silence kinda kid. But, one evening we were at the local grocery that was right beside the Saco River Camp Ground where we were staying and we ran into my aunt Peggy (she had moved to that area and we would too in a few years) and all I can remember is falling into her arms sobbing. I guess that gave it away. I remember finding so much comfort in the arms of family.

That is really all I can remember from that trip, not all the cool stuff I am sure we did....

I have been homesick the last few days...I miss my kids, I miss my babies, I miss my mum and I miss my sisters. I have been unable to find a cure for this, it just seems to come and go with no real rhyme or reason. I don't like it, it kind puts me in a funk and tends to make me pull inward. It is bouts of this that I can if I let myself feel sorry for myself and wondering about some of the decisions I have made through the years that have put me in a different country than my family. However, when I can think clearly and see not through the lens of self pity but through the lens of reality, I wouldn't change a thing, really. So I guess I take these days, weeks as they come and know they will pass.

But one thing I know is true, if nothing else (but there is much more), my mother instilled in me a very deep sense of family and the importance of those relationships. So much so that time without physical interaction leaves an emptiness inside me. For that I am forever thankful and grateful. Even if it is debilitating sometimes!

In the box

2011-02-18T07:06:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago I was at the Mi Esperanza center with the sewing class. It was the day after we unloaded a container of donations from the US and this large box was sitting outside the bodega. One of the sewing students got my attention and said (in spanish of course) "Can I have that box? I can use it as a new room on my house." I started laughing and said something silly kinda blowing her off, and then I realized that she was not kidding. My heart fell to the bottom of my stomach....

2 things:

I am really happy Mi Esperanza exists. I love being part of giving women an opportunity to change their circumstances and have the opportunity for long term change.

I really don't like the fact that this is reality for someone. As I right I am in my very comfortable home surrounded by all the stuff that makes it comfortable with space to spare. She however was looking at a box, as an expansion to her house. Shane Claiborne wrote "God did not make a mistake and create to many people and not enough stuff" and Ghandi penned the quote "There is enough in the world for everyone's need; there is not enough for everyone's greed."

I think this is it, no? We take far more for ourselves than we should, than is right. God created us to be in community with Him and with each other. His idea (if I may take the liberty) was for us to live looking out for each other. But instead we have become selfish and taken far more than our fair share and left others to flounder and live to merely survive.

I don't say this to make you or I feel guilty about who or what we are (but, maybe some of that is in order) but I do say it to say we can change that reality if we choose. We can make a difference in the life of someone, of many, if we choose to be less selfish, if we choose to change our mind set which says "all I gain and achieve is for me," but rather look to see where we can alleviate suffering and hunger in a world that is suffering.

Did you know that statistically 70% (ish) of what we buy is no longer in use 6 months after we buy it? Could we choose better, longer lasting ways to spend our resources, God's resources? That would have longer satisfaction?

This I know to be true.... something needs to change so that no ones reality says "a house expansion=a card board box."

Fuel

2011-02-16T19:22:00.000-08:00

Over the past couple of days I have been reminded how important it is to fuel your body correctly. When I eat right, good, as I should, my runs go much better. When I don't I struggle with energy, stamina and focus. I haven't been eating "bad" but not totally good. I had gotten a little lax eating more carbs and fat than I had been and in general..more than I had been.

But this week I said "ok back on the strait and narrow" get back on the plan and you know what? My runs this week have been stronger and more comfortable. I have had better endurance and better stamina. It just felt better all around. So although we all know it, it is good reminder..be good to your body and it will be good to you.

2011-02-08T08:36:00.000-08:00

"It's not just countries that are getting richer -- individual people are, too. In 2005, the number of people worldwide living in absolute poverty, or on $1.25 or less a day, was around 1.3 billion, according to estimates from Laurence Chandy and Geoffrey Gertz of the Brookings Institution. The same researchers suggest it was below 900 million last year. From one-half of the developing world in 1981, they estimate the proportion of people in absolute poverty today at less than one-sixth."

http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2011/02/07/the_poor_are_getting_richer

This is an encouraging article on the state of the world, even taking in all the variables that make up the reality of the poor, there is an accepted theory that the poor are getting "richer".

So to everyone out there working against poverty and injustice...I say keep up the good work!

2011-02-07T08:51:00.000-08:00

I think......

......I have created a bad habit. Yesterday due to schedule I had to run while the sun was up...it kicked my butt! I mean seriously. I usually go out at sunset for obvious reasons...but not sure that serves me well in the big picture when I am unable to run in the heat. I will again retreat to the pleasure of an evening runs, all the while thinking about this dilemma and what to do about it, or decide it is no big deal. But I am thinking it is a big deal, just like training hills, or any variation in environment. Any of you veterans out there share your wisdom!

2011-02-04T10:55:00.000-08:00

"She's back" as Mark said after I returned from my run last night. I ran for the first time without stopping to catch my breath since my return after injury. I did 35 mins. (so not completely back, but close) The funny thing is I really didn't want to go last night (it wasn't a whining, stomping my feet I don't want to go, just a I'm reeeeeallllyyyyyyy tired I don't want to go..well, Ok, I was whining! ) and I have to say that was the first time I felt like that and it scared me a little bit. I love LOVING running. BUT, I laced up and out I went. I wasn't expecting much out of my run because of my mind set but thought I would be moving and there is benefit in that regardless. But what I found was a beautiful night, sun was setting, there was delightful cool breeze and it didn't take long before I was totally in the moment and enjoying every step. Before I knew it, it was dark, my playlist was winding down and I realized I had not stopped and only had 2 songs left. It was a good no great feeling!

My playlist last night:

Brown Eyed Girl: Van

Saved: Mac

Everybody out of the water: Jakob

Madly: Tristan

Stay the night: James

A Hard's Day Night: John, Paul, George, Ringo

Sunburn: Adam

How Many times: Zach

The Difference: Jakob

Keep on Shinin: Mac

MUSIC HELPS ME!

2011-01-29T18:02:00.000-08:00

Quiet and genuine love changes the world

This is what I admire and find admirable, people who live out their faith in such a way that good is done but all you see is the good being done. It is never about them or their sacrifice. Never seeking to be in the limelight, never seeking to tell what part they played in the goodness, they just do what faith calls them to do, because actually they don't even see the goodness as any part of them. They act and in the wake of their actions is betterment and goodness that serves those in need and not themselves.

In recent days Sargent Robert Shriver passed away. I knew who he was, but I did not know who he was. I had no idea of his faith that drove him to put the driving power behind the Peace Corp making it the amazing serving giant it is today. I had no idea he was a man who went to mass everyday, and took his station in life as a serious responsibility to change the station of others. He knew that love was a tough word. Easy to say, tough to see it through. From an article I recently read His faith demanded action, from him, from all of us. For the Word to become flesh, we had to become the eyes, the ears, the hands of a just God. Injustice could, in the words of the old spiritual, “Be Overcome.” Robert Sargent sang, “Make me a channel of your peace,” and became the song. And he did it with quiet and deliberate movement.

Mother Teresa was a women who lived very much the same way, she gave her entire life to the poor and although she became "famous" it was not because what she did was about her or that she sought to be known. Her "stardom" was because light shown because of her action and she was caught in the glow. She simply "did" out of a heart for the poor who she saw as "Jesus in disguise."

I am really moved by the only thing that mattered to Mother T or Sargent Shiver, the only ONE they sought to please was the only ONE that matters. This is what Jesus taught and lived and called us to imitate. Jesus fought to remain anonymous, he knew the danger of pride of self absorption. He went head to head in the desert with satan and that battle was all about power and fame. This is a good indicator of what would put us in direct contrast of the Holy One.

Quiet and genuine love is what continues to change the world.

Back on the road

2011-01-23T15:32:00.001-08:00

I did it, I waited my 6 weeks and I am on the road again and my leg feels good. Although my “hope” was I would not experience any set back, I “knew” that I would, but a girl can hope can’t she? I am walking some laps, but running more than I am walking and will get back and move on. I am being more mindful and paying real attention to warm up and cool down and not over stretching..NEVER knew there was such a thing.

It felt so good to be running, but even more than just running, it felt incredible to be moving. My niece and my remote physical therapist, told me not only could I not run but I could not walk for exercise either. So for six weeks I really did as I was told and feel all the better for it. It is funny how all this works, taking care of your body I mean. The more I move the more I need to move, the less I move the less I want to move. Same thing with food, what I eat will either keep me on the coach or it will keep me moving. I know that once I break myself of eating crap, which is really hard to do at first, my body begins to crave things besides sugar, fat and empty carbs. I begin to look forward to a meal that will not only fill me up but will fuel my body and give me the energy I need to move. The key is doing it long enough to make it a habit and when I get off track to quickly slap myself and get back on!

Don’t get me wrong, after a hard day of house building there is something yummy and AMAZING about a double cheeseburger and fries at the big Mand I have yet to find an occasion where ice cream is inappropriate, but for the most part, for the long term, I need to keep these things the occasional indulgence. And honestly, I have found after long enough the Big M doesn’t even sit right in my stomach once I get past the brief YUM in my mouth…HOWEVER, I can NOT say that about ice cream ALWAYS yum andALWAYS worth the calories!

So I continue on….

this is whats happening

2011-01-09T06:33:00.000-08:00

you may or may not be wondering about my 365 project..if you are wondering I am sure you are thinking "well that lasted a long time..like ONE day! I actually moved the project to Facebook. But as I am writing this I am saying to myself..why did you do that? All I can say now is, at some point it seemed logical to me to have it there and not here. No Se'

So, I am back, and it has been a quick and busy start back to life. I can tell already it is going to be a crazy busy year. First off O-H-I-O.... watched my buckeyes take another bowl game victory against AR with a group of fans that were in the country doing volunteer work. It was a great nail biting game, and SO FUN to watch with other buckeyes! I am going to post an other blog post on one of the projects I helped on with this group later. Still processing my thoughts.

I have sweet and CRAZY EA back with me this week. I love this girl! This is a young, soon to be, grad school student that was one of my interns a couple summers ago. She writes a blog here Mo(u)rning Restoration check her out! EA returns once a year to work with our Maquila on product development, it is always a blast to have her here! She is amazingly creative and it is so cool just to watch her work and create! We have two totally completely different minds and my very organized, everything has a place, go by a plan, neat and tidy mind is quite amazed by her "creative chaos" mind. But that is EXACTLY why she is so good for Mi Esperanza and our team. The girls in the maquila love for her to come, and I love watching people come together through a divine plan.

As for running....hmmm 2 more weeks. And let me say these past 4 have been like an eternity. I am still anxiously waiting being able to get back out there, but I have settled into the idea, that I need to wait out the time and get my leg healed. This past week or so is the first time I have not [for real] had a limp. I was trying to hide my limp, always telling Mark "look I am not limping" all the while trying to walk normal. A couple of times I really thought I nailed the performance, but.... I have never been a good lier, so I guess I can't limp lie either.

The amazing news, miraculous really, is I have maintained the weight I was at when I had to stop running. Well, in total discloser I gained 2 lbs. I have to say that was stressing me out, so I'm glad I can put that issue to rest, in my head. Started taking a joint health supplement..I am OLD it is official but, I am going to BE READY when I can start running again.

My dog has been sick. Not sure what she got into, but let me tell you waking up in the middle of the night to clean up dog poop everywhere really (@!* But she is on the up swing and getting back to her princess self. I am glad..I love that crazy dog.

Back to driving in Honduras..Nothing has change and I still HATE IT

Just asking

2011-01-02T18:06:00.001-08:00

Located on the banks of the "rio del bano" is a very poor community, one of the poorest I have come to know. Houses are make shift at best, and in the midst of these shacks of old palettes, tin pieces and cardboard is a church. The church was built with "spare parts" accumulated and given by the community. Actually what made up the church building was better than the houses that surrounded it. This community decided long ago a place of worship was more important than improvement to their individual homes. A few weeks ago I was on a build where the team was building a new building for this community of believers. I was humbled by the overwhelming joy I saw when the building was complete. The building is nothing fancy, smaller actually than what they had.

But in a world of million dollar church buildings, I have to ask what is the discrepancy in contentment between us and them?

I have to ask:

Why do we go to church?

Project 365

2011-01-01T19:51:00.000-08:00

Was reading on facebook that a friend of mine Hope, via her hubby Shane, was attempting Project 365 . I decided I wanted to take the challenge and play along as well. The goal is to take and post a picture a day. A photo journal of my year of sorts. A little overwhelming going into, not sure I will keep up, or how interesting it will be, if nothing else it will be fun to look back over at the end of the year. Lets see how consistent I can be....So here we go...

~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 of 365

These are my first reads of the year. It is very common for me to be reading a few books at a time. Sometimes one will dominate but I will read them all. One of these books, A Billion Bootstraps, is a re-read, just want to refresh some ideas I read in this book. The other 2 are new reads. "Monique" was recommended to me this summer by a young women who was in Honduras volunteering. I am looking forward to reading it. The End of Poverty, just an issue I like to read about and find out what others are saying on the issue. Will let you know how they r when I finish.

What's Christmas without sweets?

2010-12-30T19:08:00.000-08:00

Over the Christmas holiday I enjoyed some time in the kitchen baking. This is something I receive so much joy from. It is therapeutic and so very rewarding.....Food is at the heart of every family. The food varies BUT for all of us taste evokes so many memories of family and love. Taste can totally take you back to wonderful places and wonderful people. I simply love to be a part of that transportation. It is joy to see the smiles on the faces of my family & friends when they are totally enjoying what I made for them. This year I made a lot less trying to keep everyone on their fitness plans, but a few special treats is always in order for the holiday! One of the sweetest treats I made this year were snickerdoodles with Will and Maya. I love cooking with my grand babies! They did a great job and they were so proud of their cookies...

Here are a few other sweet treats I made..

Lemon-Ricotta Cookies

Christmas Toffee

Joe Frogger Spice Cookies

Buckeyes

Time to go and leave a few comforts behind

2010-12-28T21:59:00.000-08:00

Our time off (not really accurate but kinda, sort of, time off) is coming to an end. It has been a great trip that has left us TOTALLY exhausted but full of goodness! It always happens, as time drifts away, I begin thinking about the stuff I am going to miss.....[no particular order]

the sound of little voices and feet in the morning

smooches from W, M and & K

"doing life" with my kids

Greek yogurt

Hot water from the faucet that translates into a hot, steam up the mirror showers

water pressure

food network TV

sweet potatoes

public bathrooms that don't scare me and are complete w/ toilet paper and paper towels

driving that does not send me into a state of rage and have thoughts of actions that would land me 25 to life

lightening fast internet

bookstores

Target

fresh berries

watching Will play make believe

Kashi products

air quality that will not contribute to my early death

in person, up close and personal worship at DF

friends who make me laugh

DVR

smoke free restaurants

Maya's spanglish

flat, smooth and yes, STABLE roads

getting water from the sink

FREEDOOOOOOOOM....no Lori tracking

running update

2010-12-05T21:51:00.000-08:00

took a week off. It wasn't hard in the sense I was hurting. Frustration was high and was very anxious to be sitting out.

Mark and I traveled to B'ham on Friday and I was not at all confident I would be able to get out there on Saturday as planned, even after the week of rest But, saturday morning Mark and I headed out to a track, plan was.... walk ONLY. Did a good stretch session and stuck to the plan, I was stiff and my calf was definitely tight. Walked for 50 mins followed by another stretch session. Took a "hot tub" soak in really hot water and continued to stretch some more. The rest of the day I continued to be stiff and experiencing some pain..REALLY FRUSTrated. Went to bed with 800mg of Ibuprofen.

Today, I may have received the healing I was praying for. Woke up feeling good, really good.....no pain, no limp..did another walk session, only 35 mins today and again stretched really well. It's the close of the day and it was virtually discomfort free!! Day off tomorrow and I HOPE to add some running back in Tuesday!

A week off

2010-11-30T10:23:00.000-08:00

resting a bad leg, well 2 know. I was struggling with a hamstring issue, pushed 2 soon and went out to run, a mile in, turning a corner and my left calf just seized up. Tried to stretch it out and keep going, but that was a no go. Yesterday I was moving like a was an 80 year old women who needed a walker. Been doing the R.I.C.E. therapy and I seem to be on the mend. Making progress...Almost no limping today, going to force myself to wait till Saturday to run again.

I was quite annoyed when Mark went out for his run today..show off!

Just for the record I do stretch

Be the change..

2010-11-30T09:39:00.000-08:00

you want to see in the world. Ghandi spoke these words. Jesus lived them, and me? and you?

The thing is it they are quotable words, but words that are hard to swallow and turn outward into action BECAUSE we care far to much about ourselves and our own happiness than we are about justice and love.

Hopelessly Optimistic

2010-11-26T20:46:00.001-08:00

Last night at the end of a very busy Thanksgiving Day, friends of my son Eric called and said "hey wanna run a 5K tomorrow, there is a Black Friday Turkey Trot" Mark and Eric immediately said yes, we're in....ME on the other hand very hesitant and to be really real here, scared at the thought of running an actual race event. I knew I could technically do the distance, but I was so fearful of my time, my ability to run the race and not look totally stupid in the process. I had visions of getting to the end..Mark and Eric waiting, the street cleaners sweeping the roads and not a soul in sight, cause by the time I crossed the finish line they all went home! Before bed I got on-line and started google-ing race times, average time for a 5K etc.. and got myself totally worked up. I went to bed not sure if I would "do the race" making NO commitment.

Well, God is a funny funny man, person, being (not sure how to say that)....Eric woke up late (no shocker there) and I had no time to think, so I made a quick decision, got up, dressed and was out the door! I registered, got my t-shirt and chip, and began to wait for race time. Again the doubt tape began to play. The first stretch was an incline...really?, REALLY!!! I do not run hills, thank you VERY much. I did not "train" for hills!! I started seeing people, and some you knew immediately were serious runners and quite frankly scared the FIRE OUT OF ME...I just kept thinking oh, please please I do not want to be last......Please not last!!!

When it got close to starting time I moved myself to the back of the pack..I did NOT want to get caught up with the front runners pack or PACE for that matter..I would have been flat on my face in a New York min. ..seriously!!! Then, there was a sign from heaven..over the speakers... U2/ Vertigo began to play, this had to mean good things right?! The gun shot, the crowd moved and so did my stomach and off I went. But here was my big struggle: setting my own pace..with all these people around me some faster and some slower, I was soooo off my stride, and was fighting to settle in. Before long the crowd made natural shifts into groups and I could see who was running at the same pace me. Sometimes I would move ahead and then fall back, and on and on you go, I kept my head down and kept moving.... Then I saw it.."THE BIG HILL" that got me coming and going..Had to walk both sides of it, which was a mental game in my head, because I had long stopped walking during a 3 miles run. But I kept fighting to "keep my head" in the run, because my mind is the tougher muscle to keep moving, way tougher than my body.

I rounded the last turn and new the finish line was close but I couldn't see it. I put my head down and just kept moving, an crested the top of a hill and it was all down hill...literally...I could see the finish line..and I thought I DID THIS! I crossed the finish line and I WAS NOT LAST!

This race taught me several things:

1. Time really does not matter..it is about being in it and finishing it.

2. The running world is big and made up of ALL KINDS OF RUNNERS.

3. Others want you to succeed and they let you know it!

4. I CAN DO THIS!

So here is how I finished..I guess if I put it out there, it will get me past the pressure I put on myself about performance issues and feeling inadequate:

Time: 43:08 (I wanted to finish under 45)

So all said and done and sitting on the couch....my coulda shoulda wouda time..Closer to 40, IF

I could have made the BIG HILL without walking (so gotta run more hills)

IF I had turned it on going down the final hill..

Tonight I sit happy and Hopelessly Optimistic that I can do this running thing after all!

you can visit my blog:

www.torchone.blogspot.com

3 ways you know

2010-11-22T20:49:00.000-08:00

you have been living outside the USA when...you return and

1. You enter a bathroom at a restaurant and you say out loud "WOW this is a reeeealy nice bathroom, paper towels and everything"

2. You suffer "HTP" just like visitors do when they come to Honduras.

3. The grocery store makes you giddy

Morning chat with Maya

2010-11-18T20:34:00.000-08:00

Maya: Lola come and be my nanny, I need a nanny.

me: ......NO WORDS! Really what do I say to that??!!

Mommy: Maya what are you going to do when Pops and Lola get here?

Maya: eat popsicles!!

She will throw you under the bus every time!!

3 things about today

2010-11-17T17:23:00.000-08:00

1. Today was an off day from running. My schedule is 2 days on..1 day off. Today I ran just cause I felt like a run, I liked that!

2. Me: Hey Ry what does it mean when I can put my jeans on zipped and buttoned straight from the dryer:

Ry: Umm...... mom they are too big. I liked that answer.

Those jeans retired today and became part of a growing pile of clothes in my closet.

3. Today I had the joy of spending it with Paola, a Mi Esperanza beauty school graduate. She just celebrated her 1 year anniversary of the salon she opened when she graduated. She invited me and Gina for a celofan treatment (it makes your hair shiney) to say thank you. It was fun, inspiring and put me on my knees thanking God for lifting this young women up and changing her future! She is now full of HOPE and has BIG dreams and I have no doubt she will accomplish all of them and I look forward to following her journey!

Cookbooks and holiday dreams

2010-11-15T09:56:00.000-08:00

So I have had my holiday binder and holiday magazines out thinking of all the yummy things I can make my family during the upcoming weeks of celebration. Although I have to tell you I have created MONSTERS when it comes to traditions....

Step back 30 years...when I had children I was all about the concept of memories and traditions. So when my children were young I did everything EXACTLY the same year after year. This was good in theory, building memories, creating a strong sense of family and traditions...but now however, any attempt to change these traditions considered a direct act of aggression and all out war! Here are a few things I am talking about:

Thanksgiving IS: Turkey, stuffing (grandma Jan's only) mashed potatoes and gravy, Butternut squash, Pumpkin bread, Jello Salad, green beans and PIE PIE PIE pecan, pumpkin, blueberry and Apple. Family football on the lawn and a christmas movie

Christmas goodies include: Toffee, Buckeyes, peanut butter cookies, sugar cookies, peanut brittle & snicker-doodles

Christmas tree goes up on Dec. 8th

One present gets opened on Christmas Eve..BUT ONLY 1

Christmas eve is always appetizer foods, always to include: Stromboli, Grammie Connell's Bacon wrapped water chestnuts, pigs in a blanket, Grandma Jan's cheese ball.

Christmas stockers are a MAJOR BIG deal..and MAJOR BIG

Hot Chocolate & Monkey Bread on christmas morning.

Stockings first, breakfast second and then gifts

Mark passes out presents

When opening presents, it goes one at a time, youngest to oldest.

To name "a few"..

So 30 years later..I am ready for some changes..

The year before Mark and I moved to Honduras full time I put up my first Silver Tinsel tree with apple green & raspberry colored ornaments complete with a rotating light reflecting off of it! I felt so rebellious but so liberated! I had been wanting one for YEARS..but to change the traditional family tree would have caused a disrupt in the earth's balance.

So this year here is my plan... to put a spin on some old favorites, try some ALL NEW, yes all new recipes and of course make some time honored traditions. This is however I fear will be more complicated than it would seem, after all I created these little, but now all grown up monsters!! Wish me luck!

New Mile Stone

2010-11-13T17:45:00.000-08:00

5K.... which a dozen weeks ago seemed like an accomplishment that would be a long way off, and a dozen weeks later I am pretty happy I have reached this goal. The hardest thing for me is to not get ahead of myself, to take this thing one step at a time. I have been guilty in the past of pushing to hard and then loosing the desire to continue. When I push to hard I become a schizophrenic runner..I fight a head battle the whole way through my run..You should hear me.... No, I CAN'T do this..YES yes you can...BUT NO REALLY I can't......it is very annoying, I am really glad no else can hear me.

I am trying hard not to do that this time. See the problem is I want to be better than I am, instead of just enjoying the journey and where I am at this moment knowing better is coming.

Tonight I am enjoying where I am!!

Tired of Religion

2010-11-13T10:30:00.000-08:00

"It seems that America is tired of religion, But findings say quite the opposite about a relationship with God." (religion blog at cnn)

from Wikipedia:

**The word religion is sometimes used interchangeably with faith or belief system, but religion differs from private belief in that is has a public aspect. Most religions have organized behaviors.

** an intimate relationship is a particularly close relationship. It can be defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment and need fulfillment.

So here I am..tired of religion but madly in love with a God that calls me to everything religion does not. What do I mean....

God calls me to: pledge my allegiance to Him alone

Religion calls me to : Pledge my allegiance to a set of beliefs and a exclusive group of people

God calls me to: be faithful

Religion calls me to: be successful

God calls me to: serve the poor, homeless and unloved

Religion calls me to: a place full of people who look like me, dress like me, live like me and believe like me

God calls me to: finding Him as I am active in His kingdom

Religions call me: into a box

God calls me to: unity

Religion calls me to: division

God calls me to: selflessness

Religion calls me to: demanding my way of doing and thinking

God calls me to: living a faithful life as I was created in His image

Religion calls me to: falseness and image sensitive

What this does NOT mean:

I am anti community or belief system.

What this DOES mean?

It means God has not called me to sit quietly and inactively in a pew where I can be comfortable because every one looks and thinks like me, because it is about people not programs. It means He demands far more of me than hiding behind an image of christianity, but calls me to be real and engage in a hurting world. It means He calls me to be His hands and feet even when that takes me to people and places that are ugly.

It means He does not demand I convert the world to what I believe, but to share the light, love and hope of The Christ and allow Him to do the work of drawing people to Him and changing hearts.

I means it is way harder than I thought!

Called to LOVE

2010-11-11T11:48:00.000-08:00

Many people mistake our work for our vocation.

Our vocation is the love of Jesus.

Mother Teresa

God calls us all to the vocation of LOVE. We may all have different gifts to share and use about the KiNgDoM, but one thing we all have in common is we are ALL called to LOVE.

read it different, sometimes it changes your view point

2010-11-10T19:06:00.000-08:00

Love this scripture, and I really love it from the message..thought I would share incase you haven't read this before.

Isaiah 58
6-9"This is the kind of fast day I'm after:
to break the chains of injustice,
get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
free the oppressed,
cancel debts.
What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
sharing your food with the hungry,
inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.'

9-12"If you get rid of unfair practices,
quit blaming victims,
quit gossiping about other people's sins,
If you are generous with the hungry
and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
make the community livable again.

Apparently I am a fraud...

2010-11-08T12:11:00.000-08:00

so both of my children have told me. Let me explain..

Last Thanksgiving my daughter-in-law called me to ask me for my pecan (pee-can) pie recipe, it is Eric's favorite and since I was not going to be there she was going to make it for him, she is very sweet. I told her "Jenny, buy a bottle of Karo dark corn syrup and the recipe is on the back". Well off she went and Eric arrived home while she was making it. Asking Jenny "Hey thought you were making my mom's recipe" and Jenny said "I am" and Eric was crushed..the secret family recipe was merely a recipe from the back of a bottle. I got a phone complete with "This can't be...I thought it was YOUR recipe..is this what grandma Jan did TOO" I broke his heart with a pie recipe!
Skip ahead to yesterday..
My daughter sends me a message
Ryan: "hey mom, I made white chili tonight..it was really yum!"
me: "oh, I love white chili"
Ryan "sooooo I was taking out the garbage and was throwing away the Bush's Bean cans and saw a recipe on the back for white chili and I read it...IT WAS THE SAME AS YOURS!!!!!"
ME: "yeah, it is the same recipe"
Ryan "Oh, you did not!!"
Me " Yeah, I wrote it down incase it was not on the can at some point. My recipe card says Bush's Chili recipe"
Ryan: "Well, mine does not!!!!!"

So apparently my children thought I was the creator of these recipes that hold family secret quality...in their eyes I should have had my own Food TV show! I never said they were my recipes, I never meant to pass them off as my own..Soooooooo BIG..HUGE...GIGANTIC lesson learned..I now have two choices;
A. reveal ALL about my recipe box and the recipes it contains
B. hide the truth better!!!!
But now the problem is my children have found me out.....Maybe they will let my grandchildren think I am that cook [they] thought i was!
But I have to say I LOVE that my children thought I was THAT GOOD.

RUNNING

2010-10-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

I started running..I have tried running in the past, when I was many many MANY pounds lighter but I never could "do it". Never experienced that "runner's high" hated it actually..really HATED it! SO not sure what is different this time.
If you have known me any amount of time you know that I have always struggled with weight. I have lost weight and gained a number of times. And yes..yes I am aware that is a whole discussion of it's own. But lets just let that go for now, cause that could get ugly. For the past 6 months I have been back into an honest attempt to get healthy. These times have come and gone in my life and for those in my life, as well as for me, has been a very frustrating cycle. But, here I am and well.....Here we go again!
During my trip to the US in August/September I exercised with my daughter, I was at the time, a video girl. I have a library of exercise videos everything from Tae Bo to Biggest Looser to Yoga and was faithfully "doing" a video 4/5 days a week.
While I was at Ryan's house we hit the pavement together with Maya in the jogging stroller (quite honestly that's the seat I wished I had most days) and she encouraged me to walk some and run some. I was pitiful..REALLY. I am not good at judging distances, but I DO know it would only be mins, maybe that is singular, [minute] of running and I had to stop, walk and get ready for another minute of running. Ryan would run ahead and run back to me, how embarrassing, I mean really, HONESTLY! My ankles hurt, my shins hurt..I am confident my body was screaming at me "look what you did to me!" Convinced all this pain was caused by my shoes; not the extra pounds and totally out of shape body so, I bought a new pair of sneakers. Does the fact that the ones I had were 5 years old..give you any indication of the shape I was in. But for the record the pain did stop.. some redemption!
When I returned home to Honduras, and I was thinking about getting back to my video routine, I found myself thinking of the pavement, and it calling me outside. So I laced up my new sneakers and out I went. Because I am not free to just RUN here..safety issues UGH, I was limited to my street and began what I fondly call my "walk, run, crawl" outings. When I began I was walking much more than I was running, I could run a 1/2 a lap (a lap being up the street and back down the street) and walk 2 or 3 laps to each run. But there was something in my head that kept saying "one foot in front of the other" and I found I was enjoying it, and wanting to do better and the most shocking thing of all...LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT walk, run, crawl! This HAD to be divine intervention!! Do you hear me? It had to be!! Soon after, Mark started coming with me and I LOVE THAT. We are now running partners. I just have to not let getting lapped get into my head!
Also what happened during this time was I was given an Iphone by my daughter and on it was an app called loose it. Started using it, tracking my food intake, tracking my exercise, and have to say my favorite part of this app is it gives me BACK calories when I enter my exercise..this my friends makes my heart super happy!
I left for the states again at the beginning of October and hit a big mile stone while I was gone..ran my first full mile. I was on a YMCA track and out loud did a YEAH FOR ME CHEER, complete with arms in the arm and fists pumping!! I got in the car called my husband NO answer, called my daughter NO answer, called my son NO ANSWER..REALLY??!! So I continued my private "pat yourself on the back, GOOD FOR YOU LORI CONNELL" party in the car all the way back to the farm!
I am back in Honduras, back to running my street. I am now running completely with no walking! 40 mins is my current running time and I am pretty happy about that...for now! It has been a blast connecting with other runners.. and pretending I am one of them. And soo far no one has called me out as an impostor. One day I will move from a "wanna be runner" to a real honest to goodness one! So until that time, I pray. I pray that God will keep alive in me my desire for running, build in me stamina and give me the ability to do better. Loosing weight will be a welcomed benefit to this new endeavor, but what I am really after is getting healthy. For me, for my husband, my kids, my grandchildren, my work here in Honduras, I have a lot of mountains to climb! So tomorrow I will be back out there and run for my life!

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

Really missing and thinking of my mum this am. I really miss her. She was a great mom, and I wish I was always a great daughter.
All my life I "watched" her live out a loving and compassionate life. And I think the amazing thing is that my mom did not have an easy life herself. But she never focused on that, she found those who needed someone and helped them. Sometimes in little ways and sometimes in big ways. She modeled selflessness to me and I wish I had just a fraction of that in my soul. I think the most profound way she showed me the gospel. She showed me in the midst of all our humanness and all that we do wrong we can still be Jesus to those around us. That is was simply about love.

Good Reads!

2010-04-13T20:38:00.000-07:00

I love to read!..I usually have one or two books going and several waiting to be cracked. I can spend hours in a book store cannot leave without a book or 10! Here are 10 ( hard to pick 10) I really love: No particular order

1. The Hobbit
2. Pillars of the Earth
3. Diary of Anne Frank
4. Celebration of Disciplines
5. Irresistible Revolution
6. Life of the Beloved
7. The God of the Towel
8. Tuesdays's with Morrie
9. Sister's Keeper
10. The Practice of the Presence of God

What are some of your favorite reads?

What If Jesus Meant All That Stuff? by Shane Claiborne

2010-04-04T08:45:00.001-07:00

(Nov. 2009)
To all my nonbelieving, sort-of-believing, and used-to-be-believing friends: I feel like I should begin with a confession. I am sorry that so often the biggest obstacle to God has been Christians. Christians who have had so much to say with our mouths and so little to show with our lives. I am sorry that so often we have forgotten the Christ of our Christianity.

Forgive us. Forgive us for the embarrassing things we have done in the name of God.

The other night I headed into downtown Philly for a stroll with some friends from out of town. We walked down to Penn's Landing along the river, where there are street performers, artists, musicians. We passed a great magician who did some pretty sweet tricks like pour change out of his iPhone, and then there was a preacher. He wasn't quite as captivating as the magician. He stood on a box, yelling into a microphone, and beside him was a coffin with a fake dead body inside. He talked about how we are all going to die and go to hell if we don't know Jesus.

Some folks snickered. Some told him to shut the hell up. A couple of teenagers tried to steal the dead body in the coffin. All I could do was think to myself, I want to jump up on a box beside him and yell at the top of my lungs, "God is not a monster." Maybe next time I will.

The more I have read the Bible and studied the life of Jesus, the more I have become convinced that Christianity spreads best not through force but through fascination. But over the past few decades our Christianity, at least here in the United States, has become less and less fascinating. We have given the atheists less and less to disbelieve. And the sort of Christianity many of us have seen on TV and heard on the radio looks less and less like Jesus.

At one point Gandhi was asked if he was a Christian, and he said, essentially, "I sure love Jesus, but the Christians seem so unlike their Christ." A recent study showed that the top three perceptions of Christians in the U. S. among young non-Christians are that Christians are 1) antigay, 2) judgmental, and 3) hypocritical. So what we have here is a bit of an image crisis, and much of that reputation is well deserved. That's the ugly stuff. And that's why I begin by saying that I'm sorry.

Now for the good news.

I want to invite you to consider that maybe the televangelists and street preachers are wrong — and that God really is love. Maybe the fruits of the Spirit really are beautiful things like peace, patience, kindness, joy, love, goodness, and not the ugly things that have come to characterize religion, or politics, for that matter. (If there is anything I have learned from liberals and conservatives, it's that you can have great answers and still be mean... and that just as important as being right is being nice.)

The Bible that I read says that God did not send Jesus to condemn the world but to save it... it was because "God so loved the world." That is the God I know, and I long for others to know. I did not choose to devote my life to Jesus because I was scared to death of hell or because I wanted crowns in heaven... but because he is good. For those of you who are on a sincere spiritual journey, I hope that you do not reject Christ because of Christians. We have always been a messed-up bunch, and somehow God has survived the embarrassing things we do in His name. At the core of our "Gospel" is the message that Jesus came "not [for] the healthy... but the sick." And if you choose Jesus, may it not be simply because of a fear of hell or hope for mansions in heaven.

Don't get me wrong, I still believe in the afterlife, but too often all the church has done is promise the world that there is life after death and use it as a ticket to ignore the hells around us. I am convinced that the Christian Gospel has as much to do with this life as the next, and that the message of that Gospel is not just about going up when we die but about bringing God's Kingdom down. It was Jesus who taught us to pray that God's will be done "on earth as it is in heaven." On earth.

One of Jesus' most scandalous stories is the story of the Good Samaritan. As sentimental as we may have made it, the original story was about a man who gets beat up and left on the side of the road. A priest passes by. A Levite, the quintessential religious guy, also passes by on the other side (perhaps late for a meeting at church). And then comes the Samaritan... you can almost imagine a snicker in the Jewish crowd. Jews did not talk to Samaritans, or even walk through Samaria. But the Samaritan stops and takes care of the guy in the ditch and is lifted up as the hero of the story. I'm sure some of the listeners were ticked. According to the religious elite, Samaritans did not keep the right rules, and they did not have sound doctrine... but Jesus shows that true faith has to work itself out in a way that is Good News to the most bruised and broken person lying in the ditch.

It is so simple, but the pious forget this lesson constantly. God may indeed be evident in a priest, but God is just as likely to be at work through a Samaritan or a prostitute. In fact the Scripture is brimful of God using folks like a lying prostitute named Rahab, an adulterous king named David... at one point God even speaks to a guy named Balaam through his donkey. Some say God spoke to Balaam through his ass and has been speaking through asses ever since. So if God should choose to use us, then we should be grateful but not think too highly of ourselves. And if upon meeting someone we think God could never use, we should think again.

After all, Jesus says to the religious elite who looked down on everybody else: "The tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the Kingdom ahead of you." And we wonder what got him killed?

I have a friend in the UK who talks about "dirty theology" — that we have a God who is always using dirt to bring life and healing and redemption, a God who shows up in the most unlikely and scandalous ways. After all, the whole story begins with God reaching down from heaven, picking up some dirt, and breathing life into it. At one point, Jesus takes some mud, spits in it, and wipes it on a blind man's eyes to heal him. (The priests and producers of anointing oil were not happy that day.)

In fact, the entire story of Jesus is about a God who did not just want to stay "out there" but who moves into the neighborhood, a neighborhood where folks said, "Nothing good could come." It is this Jesus who was accused of being a glutton and drunkard and rabble-rouser for hanging out with all of society's rejects, and who died on the imperial cross of Rome reserved for bandits and failed messiahs. This is why the triumph over the cross was a triumph over everything ugly we do to ourselves and to others. It is the final promise that love wins.

It is this Jesus who was born in a stank manger in the middle of a genocide. That is the God that we are just as likely to find in the streets as in the sanctuary, who can redeem revolutionaries and tax collectors, the oppressed and the oppressors... a God who is saving some of us from the ghettos of poverty, and some of us from the ghettos of wealth.

In closing, to those who have closed the door on religion — I was recently asked by a non-Christian friend if I thought he was going to hell. I said, "I hope not. It will be hard to enjoy heaven without you." If those of us who believe in God do not believe God's grace is big enough to save the whole world... well, we should at least pray that it is.

Your brother,

Shane

Love is stronger than death

2010-04-04T07:06:00.000-07:00

When Christ who is your life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with him in glory. Colossians 3:4

As i walked through the dark woods at the end of this Easter day, full of intimate joy, I heard you call Mary Magdalene by her name and heard how you called from the shore of the lake to your friends to throw out their nets. I also saw you entering the closed room where your disciples were gathered in fear. I saw you appearing on the mountain and at the outskirts of the village. How intimate these events really are. They are like special favors to dear friends. They were not done to impress or overwhelm anyone, but simply to show that your love is stronger than death.

O Lord, I know now that it is in silence, in a quiet moment, in a forgotten corner that you will meet me, call me by name and speak to me a word of peace. It is in my stillest hour that you become the risen Lord to me.

Taken from the works of Henri Nouwen

The Cross and the heart of God

2010-04-02T07:30:00.001-07:00

But he was wounded for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the punishment that made us whole, and by his bruises we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

The cross is at the center. As i look at the large crucifix, I remember how it came to us. Four years ago a Franciscan priest, Father Pancratius, whom I met in Freiburg whole he was dying of cancer, said to me, "Henri, I want to give you this crucifix before I die. I want you to give it a place among your people with disabilities."

He told me the story of the crucifix. When many years ago he went to Croatia with a group of young Germans to help restore a church that was destroyed during World Word II, they found the crucifix under the rubble. The pastor, grateful for the German gesture of reconciliation, gave it to Father Pancratius. There were no crossbeams, just the wood carved body...

Good Friday is much more than reliving the passion of Jesus; it is entering into solidarity with the passion of all people of our plant, whether in the past, present, or the future. In Jesus all human suffering is collected. The broken heart of Jesus is the broken heart of God. The broken heart of God is the broken heart of the world.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, on this day of sorrow, I will unite my sufferings with yours. I will set aside ten mins to reflect on the meaning of your death for me.....and give thanks for the freeing power that has come into my life because of your sacrifice.

From the works of Henri Nouwen

Hope Opens the future

2010-03-31T07:54:00.000-07:00

(I have been traveling and busy)

The Lord God helps me; therefore I have not been disgraced Isaiah 50:7

A man with hope does not get tangled up with concerns for how his wishes will be fulfilled. So, too, his prayers are not directed toward the gift, but toward the one who gives it. His is not a question of having a wish come true but of expressing an unlimited faith in the giver of all good things. You wish that....but you hope for....for the prayer of hope, it is essential that there are no guarantees asked, no conditions posed, and no proofs demanded, only that you expect everything from the other without binding him in anyway. Hope is based on the premise that the other gives only what is good. Hope includes an openness by which you wait for the other to make His loving promise come true, even though you never know when, where or how this might happen.

Lord, teach me this Holy week to live in and learn from your attitude of patient suffering.

After Silence Comes Joy

2010-03-18T14:29:00.000-07:00

Let us know, let press on to know the Lord; his appearing is as sure as the dawn; he will come to us like the showers, like the spring rains that water the earth. Hosea 6:3

There is a quality of sadness that pervades all the moments of our life. It seems that there is no such thing as clear-cut pure joy, but that even in the most happy moments of our existence we sense a tinge of sadness. In every satisfaction, there is the fear of jealousy. Behind every smile, there is a tear. In every embrace, there is loneliness. In every friendship, distance. And in all forms of light, there is the knowledge of surrounding darkness.
Joy and sadness are as close to each other as the splendid colored leaves of a New England fall to the soberness of the barren trees. When you touch the hand of a returning friend, you already know that he will have to leave you again. When you are moved by the quiet vastness of a sun covered ocean, you miss the friend who cannot see the same. Joy and sadness are born at the same time, both arising from such deep places in your heart that you can't find words to capture your complex emotions.
But this intimate experience in which every bit of life is touched by a bit of death can point us beyond the limits of our existence. It can do so by making us look forward in expectation to the day when our hearts will be filled with perfect joy, a joy that no one shall take away from us.

Today, Lord, I will try to think of my three greatest fears in life, and I will pray for perfect love to cast out my fear.

Broken Soil

2010-03-16T09:59:00.000-07:00

And what other great nation has statutes and ordinances as just as this entire law that I am setting before you today? But take care and watch yourselves closely, so as neither to forget the things that your eyes have seen not to let them slip from your mind.... Deuteronomy 4: 8-9

The seeds of national and international peace are already mysteriously sown in the soil of our own pain and in the suffering of the poor. And I am convinced that we can truly trust these seeds like the mustard seeds of the gospel that grow and produce large shrubs in which many birds of the air can find a place to rest.
As long as we imagine and live as if there is no peace in sight, and that it all depends on us to make it come about, we are on the road to self-destruction. But when we trust that the God of love has already given the peace we are searching for, we will see this peace, breaking through the broken soil of our human condition and we will be able to let it grow fast and even heal the economics and political maladies of our time. When we have this trust in our hearts, we will be able to hear the words: "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they Shall Inherit The Earth " (Matthew 5:9)

Lord. ow I need your grace to set aside even a few minutes for genuine silence. But with your help, I will not give up my search for genuine solitude.

Entering The Silence Within

2010-03-10T08:39:00.000-08:00

As a deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul longs for you, God. Psalm 42:1

Have you ever tried to spend a whole hour doing nothing, but listening to the voice that dwells deep in your heart? When there is no radio to listen to, no TV to watch, no books to read, no person to talk to, no project to finish. no phone call to make, how does that make you feel? Often it does no more than make us so aware of how much there is still to do that we haven't done yet that we decide to leave the fearful silence and go back to work! It is not easy to enter into the silence and reach beyond the many boisterous and demanding voices of our world and to discover there the small intimate voice saying: "You are my Beloved Child, on you my favor rests." Still if we dare to embrace our solitude and befriend our silence, we will come to know that voice. I do not to suggest to you that one day you will hear that voice with bodily ears. I am not speaking about a hallucinatory voice, but a voice that can be heard by the ear of faith, the ear of the inner heart.

Prayer, Today, I will take a pen and list my excuses for failing to seek time with God. I will reject them and set my priorities in order, resolving to make some devotional moments a part of my life each day.

Taken from:

Renewed for Life, Daily meditations from the works of Henri Nouwen

God Chose To reveal Divine Love

2010-03-07T08:41:00.000-08:00

For Jews demand signs and Greeks desire wisdom, but we proclaim Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles... 1 Corinthians 1:22-23

The Powerlessness of the manger became the powerlessness of the cross. People jeer at him, laugh at him, spit in his face, and shout: " He saved others; he can not save himself. He is the King os Israel; let him come down from the cross now, and we will believe in him." Matthew 27:42 He hangs there, his flesh torn apart by lead-filled whips, his heart broken by the rejection of his friends and abuse from his enemies, his mind tortured by anguish, his spirit shrouded in the darkness of abandonment-total weakness, total powerlessness. That's how God chose to reveal to us the divine love, bring us into an embrace of compassion, and convince us that anger has been melted away in endless mercy.

Taken from: Daily Lenten Meditations from the works of Henri Nouwen

The Power of Weakness

2010-03-02T21:10:00.000-08:00

The greatest among you will be your servant. All who exalt themselves will be humbled, and all who humble themselves will be exalted. Matthew 23:11-12

God chose to enter into human history in complete weakness. That divine choice forms the center of the Christian faith. In Jesus of Nazareth, the powerlessness of God appeared among us to unmask the illusion of power, to disarm the prince of darkness who rules the world, and to bring the divided human race to a new unity. It is through total and unmitigated powerlessness that God shows us divine mercy. The radical, divine choice is the choice to reveal glory, beauty, truth, peace, joy, and, most of all, love in and through the complete divestment of power. It is very hard-if not impossible-for us to grasp this divine mystery. We keep praying to the "almighty and powerful God", But all might and power is absent from the one who reveals God to us saying: "When you see me, you see the Father." If we truly want to love God, we have to look at the man of Nazareth, whose life was wrapped in weakness. And his weakness opens for us the way to the heart of God.

Prayer: I accept that some worries are part of being human. But I know many of my worries would evaporate if I learned to trust You more.

Lifted Up By Christ

2010-02-28T06:37:00.000-08:00

If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not withhold his own Son, but gave him up for all of us, will he not with him also give us everything else? Roman 8:31-32

Preparing ourselves for death is the most important task of life, at least we believe that death is not the total dissolution of our identity but the way to its fullest revelation. Death, as Jesus speaks about it, is that moment in which total defeat and total victory are one. The cross on which Jesus died is the sign of this oneness of the defeat and victory. Jesus speaks about his death as being "lifted up". Lifted up on the cross as well as lifted up in the resurrection. Jesus wants our death to be like his, a death in which the worlds banishes us but God welcomes us home.

How, then, do we prepare ourselves for death? By living each day in the full awareness of being children of God, whose love is stronger than death. Speculations and concerns about the final days of our life are useless, but making each day in to a celebration of our belovedness as sons and daughters of God will allow us to live our final days, whether short or long, as birthing days. The pains of dying are labor pains. Through them, we leave the womb of this world and are born to the fullness of the children of God.

Lord, give me confidence in the face of death, for you have truly won the victory for me.

Taken from Daily Lenten Meditations from the works of Henri Nouwen

Look no further

2010-02-26T21:07:00.000-08:00

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope...Psalms 130:5

Aren't you, like me, hoping that some person, thing or event will come along to give you that final feeling of inner well-being you desire? Don't you often hope; "may this book, idea, course, trip, job, country or relationship fulfill my deepest desire." But a long as you are waiting for that mysterious moment you will go on running helter-skelter, always anxious and restless, always lustful and angry, never fully satisfied. You know that this is the compulsiveness that keep us going and busy, but at the same time makes us wonder whether we are getting anywhere in the long run. This is the way to spiritual exhaustion and burnout. This is the way to spiritual death. Well, you and I don't have to kill ourselves. We are the Beloved. We are intimately loved long before our parents, teachers, spouse, children and friends loved us or wounded us. That's the truth of our lives.

Prayer: Lord, I have often thought that imitation of Christ was impossible because it meant living a life like Christ. But doesn't it mean living my own life as your beloved child? Yes, I want to do that, and with your grace, I can.

Taken from Daily Lenten Meditations from the works of Henri Nouwen

We are sent into the world

2010-02-25T19:23:00.001-08:00

In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets. Matthew 7:12

If you dare to believe that you are beloved before you are born, you may suddenly realize that your life is very, very special. You become conscious that you were sent here just for a short time, for twenty, forty, or eighty years, to discover and believe that you are a beloved child of God. The length of time doesn't matter. You are sent into the world to believe in yourself as God's chosen one and then to help your brothers and sisters know that they are also beloved sons and daughters of God who belong together. You're sent into this world to be a people of reconciliation. You are sent to heal, to break down the walls between you and your neighbors, locally, nationally, and globally. Before all the distinctions, the separations, and the walls built on foundations of fear, there was unity in the mind and heart of God. Out of that unity, you are sent into this world for a little while to claim that you and every other human being belongs to that same God of Love who lives from eternity to eternity.

Prayer: Father, I am called to be our child. Today I will look closely at the quality of the faith you have given me-and marvel. What a miracle! You have chosen me.

Taken from Daily Lenten Meditations from the works of Henri Nouwen

We are sent into the world

2010-02-25T19:23:00.000-08:00

Searching for God

2010-02-24T20:37:00.000-08:00

The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Psalm 51:17

The fact that I am always searching for God, always struggling to discover the fullness of Love, always yearning for the complete truth, tells me that I have already been given a taste of God, of Love and of Truth. I can only look for something that I have, to some degree, already found. How can I search for beauty and truth unless that beauty and truth are already known to me in the depth of my heart? It seems that all of us human beings have deep inner memories of the paradise that we have lost. Maybe the word "innocence" is better than the word "paradise." We are innocent before we started feeling guilty, we were in the light before we entered the darkness; we were at home before we started to search for home. Deep in the recesses of our minds and hearts there lies hidden the treasures we seek. We know its preciousness, and we know that it holds the gift we most desire: a life stronger than death.

Prayer: Lord, you have given us a promise of eternal life, a promise you are beginning to fulfill in my life even now. May I accept your word.

Taken from: Daily Lenten Meditations from the works of Henri Nouwen

Loving God: Our first duty

2010-02-23T08:10:00.000-08:00

O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together Psalm 34:3

The unfathomable mystery of God is that God is a lover who wants to be loved. The one who created us is waiting for our response to the love that gave us our being. God not only says "you are my Beloved." God also asks: "Do you love me?" and offers us countless chances to say "yes." That is the spiritual life: the chance to say "Yes" to out inner truth. The spiritual life, thus understood, radically changes everything. Being born and growing up, leaving home, and finding a career, being praised and being rejected, walking and resting, praying and playing, becoming ill and being healed-yes, living and dying-they all become expressions of that divine question: "Do you love me?" And at every point of the journey there is the choice to say "yes" and the choice to say "no."

Prayer: Lord, I confess that I have not tried as hard as I can to know and love you. But I will try this Lent to revive the first commandment in my life to love you.

Love of God means love of others

2010-02-22T07:43:00.000-08:00

Then the king will say to those at His right hand, "Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prerare for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food..." Matthew 25: 34-35

What does it mean to live in the world with a truly compassionate heart that remains open to all people at all times? It is very important to realize that compassion is more than sympathy or empathy. When we are asked to listen to the pains of people and empathize with their suffering, we soon reach our emotional limits. We can listen only for a short time and only to a few people. In our society we are bombarded with so much "news" about the human misery that our hearts easily get numbed simply because of overload.
But God's compassionate heart does not have limits. God's heart is greater , infinitely greater, than the human heart. It is that divine heart that God wants to give us so that we can love all people without burning out or becoming numb.
It is for this compassionate heart that we pray when we say "Create in me a clean heart , O God and put a new and right spirit with in me Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take your holy spirit from me" Ps 51: 10-11
The Holy Spirit of God is given to us so that we can become participants in God's compassion and so reach out to all people at all times with God's heart.

Prayer: Lord, when I fail to love others, as I often do, help me realize that is is because I've failed to love you, the source of all love. This Lent help me to reach out to someone who is poor-in body or spirit-someone whose love for you may be fading.

Taken from: Daily Lenten Meditations from the works of Henri Nouwen

Temptations

2010-02-21T08:15:00.000-08:00

First Sunday of Lent:

He was in the wilderness forty days, tempted by Satan Mark 1:13

Yes, there is that voice, the voice that speaks from above and from within and that whispers softly or declares loudly: "you are my beloved, on you my favor rests." It certainly is not easy to hear that voice in a world filled with voices that shout: "You are no good, you are ugly; you are worthless, you are despicable, you are nobody-unless you can demonstrate the opposite."
The negative voices are so loud and so persistent that it is easy to believe them.
That's the great trap. It is the trap of self rejection. Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity or power, but self rejections. Success, popularity and power can, indeed, be a great temptation, but there seductive power often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unloveable, then success, popularity and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions.

Prayer: Lord, help me to appreciate just how much you have blessed me in so many ways.

Taken from Daily Lenten Meditations from the works of Henri Nouwen

Giving what has been given

2010-02-20T07:38:00.000-08:00

Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. PS 86:4

In Solitude we can slowly unmask the illusion of our possessiveness and discover in the center of our own self that we are not what we can conquer, but what is given to us. In solitude we can listen to the voice of him who spoke to us before we could speak a word, who healed us before we could make any gesture to help, who set us free long before we could free others, and who loved us long before we could give love to anyone. It is in this solitude that we discover that being is more important than having, and that we are worth more than the result of our effort. In solitude we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended, but a gift to be shared. It's there we recognize that the healing words we speak are not just our own, but are given to us; that the love we can express is part of a greater love; and the new life we bring forth is not a property to cling to, but a gift to be received.

Prayer;
Today, Lord, this Saturday I will spend at least two minutes to examine within myself the many ways that I seek selfishly after power for myself; I will renounce them and pray, "Teach me your ways"

Take from Daily Lenten meditations from the works of Henri Nouwen

Living With Interruptions

2010-02-19T06:34:00.000-08:00

"The your light shall break forth like the dawn and your healing shall spring up quickly; your vindicator shall go before you, the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard." Isaiah 58:8

WHile visiting the University of Notre Dame, I met an older experienced professor who had spent most of his life there. He said with a certain melancholy in his voice, "you know, my whole life I have been complaining that my work was constantly interrupted, until I discovered that my interruptions were my work."
Don't we often look at the many events of our lives as interruptions? But what if our interruptions are in fact challenges to an inner response by which growth takes place? What if the events of our history are molding us as a sculptor molds his clay, and if it is only in careful obedience to these molding hands that we can discover our real vocation and become mature Christians.

Prayer:
Lord, you come secretly into my life in so many ways. This Lent give me a new sense of vision to notice your ways I had overlooked before. Renew me with a special sense of Your presence

Take from Daily Lenten meditations from the works of Henri Nouwen

Joy, Even in suffering

2010-02-18T06:13:00.000-08:00

"The son of man must undergo great suffering, and be rejected by the elders, chief priests, and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised." Luke 9:22

The deep truth is that our human suffering need not be an obstacle to the joy and peace we so desire, but can become, instead, the means [to] it. The great secret of the spiritual life, the life of the Beloved Sons and Daughters of God, is that everything we live, be it gladness or sadness, joy, or pain, health, or illness, can be part of the journey towards the full realization of our humanity. It is not hard to say to one another: "all that is good and beautiful leads us to the glory of the children of God" but it is very hard to say: "But didn't you know that we all have to suffer and then enter into the glory?" Nonetheless, real care means the willingness to help each other in making our brokenness into the gateway to joy.

Prayer: When I am tempted this lent to worry and anything, help me instead to trust you and redeem everything in my daily life. When I feel trapped, I will turn to your mercy for release.

taken from the Daily Lenten Mediations from the works of Henri Nouwen

Ash Wednesday

2010-02-17T08:59:00.001-08:00

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Psalm 51:1

Our temptation in Lent is be so impressed by our sin and failings and so overwhelmed by our lack of generosity that we get stuck in a paralyzing guilt, a guilt that leads to introspective instead of directing our eyes to God. it is guilt that becomes an idol and form of pride. But Lent is precisely the time to break down this idol and to direct our attention to our loving Lord. The question is: 'Are we like Judas, who was so overcome by his sin that he could not believe God's mercy any longer and hanged himself? Or are we like Peter, who returned to his Lord with repentance and cried bitterly for his sin?'

Prayer: Lord God, this lent help me to do my best to keep my mind fixed on You and Your kingdom.

taken from Daily Lenten Meditations from the works of Henri Nouwen

Breaking the silence

2010-02-17T08:10:00.001-08:00

Well I am back..not sure how long it will last but I have decided to write during the Lenten season.

I was raised in the catholic faith and over the past years I have reconnected with many of the disciplines that I was raised to observe but had not for years and years. One thing I have come to know is that there is benefit, real and impact-full benefit to spiritual disciplines. Many denominations have run from them, the proverbial throwing the baby out with the bath water and sadly I join in on that run. But reconnecting with ancient spiritual disciplines has enriched my life. During the Lenten season I am going to share a daily reading from "Renewed for Life, Daily Lenten meditations" from the writings of Henri Nouwen.
I find the season of Lent very powerful. To purposely enter are season of soul-searching and repentance is life changing. A time of reflection and taking stock is good for the soul. By observing the forty days of Lent, we imitates Jesus’ withdrawal into the wilderness for forty days. This action requires sacrifice and dependance, how can one not benefit.
So for the lenten season I will blog.

2009-10-01T20:20:00.000-07:00

rambling.......for what it is worth

2009-08-08T10:23:00.000-07:00

I hate feeling out of control. I hate not being able to produce the out come I want in any given situation and today I feel totally out of control. I guess that is part of the journey now isn't? Learning that we are never really in control at all, ever. It is one of lives biggest elusions. Every situation depends on many choices made by many people. I guess that is why this world is such a mess. Because we all live wanting to be in control so we live in a way that is self motivated which takes the focus off the the bigger picture which creates, well what we have, a big mess! We all have choices to make, and mine can't always be about "me", really should never be about me. But like I said I hate feeling out of control, so I make things about me. I guess that is why scripture tells us to allow God to be in control, because He is the ONLY one who can handle any and all situations without bias and with total love.

It is GREAT to be a Lola!

2009-08-07T12:15:00.000-07:00

Because of the political unrest in Honduras I had to go to the states for a few weeks to see what was going to happen..well as most of you know we are still waiting to see and we are navigating the unrest here in Honduras but one blessing in my life during this time I had unexpected time with Maya (ry and Jc). I had 3 glorious weeks as her Lola and nothing else! it was a blessing to my heart. Here are a few of our adventures!

Maya's first protest! My little woodstock baby!

4th of July and Fire works~

Not sure about trying Lola's blueberry Pie!

YES! it was a hit! shhhh don't tell mommy!

Playtime and pictures!

cause every girl needs a TUTU!

Tub Time! Nightly the Backyardigans were lined up for entertainment!

Uniqua is her favorite Backyardigan, so what else are Lola's for than to bring home a life size Uniqua!

The world needs Good Samaritans

2009-06-18T09:01:00.000-07:00

God calls us “to love our neighbor”.....we know the story in Luke 10/The Good Samaritan, and just as the experts of the law discovered..... I also have learned that the call of The Christ in not an easy call, it is one of sacrifice and stepping into “stuff” that is not always comfortable. It is often costly and it is often a call to the unloveable.

What I find amazing about this scripture is the people that you would “think” would be the ones to stop and help, are just the ones that passed by and they didn’t just pass by, but they CROSSED the road and passed by! They wanted to make sure there was no way they were going to get caught up in that mess. We think that way don’t we...we see the beggar at the traffic light holding a sign for money, we try to change lanes so we don’t have address the situation, or we fiddle with our radio or phone so we don’t make eye contact...I am sure like us, the priest and the Levite had other more urgent, more “godly” things to do and certainly there was going to be some one else to pass by that would help. But really, they should help themselves, is what we really think.
But here is where I see the problem for us..here is where we are called to change....when we read this story we always compare ourselves to the ones who passed by or the one who helped. And surely I am more like the one who helped...”I help people” But what if..what if, we put ourselves in the ditch?
What if we put ourselves in the place where without the compassion and mercy of someone else we would die???
It is this place of understanding that allows us to be the one with compassion and mercy that had no limits...
We are not called to a shallow sympathy for the world around us, I am sure the priest and levite felt “bad for the man”.. but we are called to ACTION... A true compassion that allows us to open ourselves up to poor, the oppressed, the hungry, the naked, the crippled, the sick, the homeless..the hurting.. it is then, that we experience a love and compassion that is powered by the one who calls us “to go and do the same”. Because when we choose to Love....Hope happens.... Change happens.
And this my friends is the very hope and change those living “in the ditch” of extreme poverty are praying for. The world needs good samaritans..people who like the man in the story who extended himself, without even knowing the total cost “whatever more it costs I will pay it”

Words I needed to hear...again!

2009-03-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

Life has been hard recently and a friend told me to re-read this Psalm.. Thanks Jen for the reminder! It is not the whole thing but you get the idea!! I needed the reminder!

David's Psalm 37 1-8

1 Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.

I'm a beggar

2009-03-01T22:49:00.001-08:00

Yes it is true..I am one. One of the things that really REALLY sucks about being the director of a non-profit "business" is a little thing called ..... money. It is a constant issue, a constant need and one thing that really lowers you to nothing more than a beggar. All IT SEEMS I do is ask for money and I really hate it AND people seem to really hate to be asked, so it is a pit! There are a lot of reasons why I hate it so much; it implies failure, it implies dependance and it implies vulnerability. None of which I (most of us in fact) find endearing. HOWEVER all are things that are at the heart of my walk of faith. If I never expose my failures, I can never learn to do better to be better. If I never declare my dependance on God's mercy and grace, I will live a life void of the amazing love of God and will be unable to extend that love and grace in the world in which I live and move. If I never become vulnerable and step in to arenas that expose me, stretch me, I will never experience all that God has intended for me. It seems God often calls us to the things that are the least logical, least palatable, least comfortable. But it is through the journey that dependence, vulnerability, and through failure that God molds me, shapes me for His good purpose, which show the world the very heart of God.

Being present in the moment

2009-02-19T09:45:00.000-08:00

Active waiting means to be present, fully, to the moment, in the conviction that something is happening where you are and that you want to be present to it. A waiting person is someone who is present to the moment who believes that this IS THE moment. Henri Nouwen

I like the term "active waiting" because it implies more than a stationary action. It implies more than expectation.
I often sit waiting, waiting for something, something big to happen to define my life, who I am, what direction my life is to take and find a purpose. But the reality is that in each moment God is doing something, and [AS] I live, in each moment my direction is defined.
I am not talking about busyness and noise I am talking about living and being aware of how God is moving in me NOW. I think it is about being sensitive to the little things and notice the things that maybe would pass me by. I need to be present to God and what HE is doing, and not what I want Him to do. That in the waiting I am listen to Him and not reasoning to create what I want.

I remember when my mom was dying and my sisters and I were taking care of her in her final weeks, her final days.. her final day.. her final hours.. her final breathe. I remember vividly praying

"God help me to be present in the moment, every moment. Please allow me to feel and be sensitive to all of the pain and joy of the moments I have at this time in my life"

The thing is I am good at living a guarded life. I knew I did not want the time to just pass by me and miss what was happening in those moments of pure love and intense intimacy. I found as I was present the moments were small and quiet, they were in places deep with me and often places I had not visited in a long while. Had I not been careful, aware, I would have missed what God was doing. Because the truth is I am good at keeping those places well guarded, for many reasons.
But that really is what life with God is, no? pure love and intimacy. However, a life with guarded places, from the pain and in consequence, the joy, is a life missing the definition of what God is creating me to be. Because when I have a life of active listening, I am not waiting for my moment to speak, I am listening and truly hearing what is being said to me. And just as the result of my final days with my mother was the passing of her life, active listening can be painful, but at the same time I found that it was a time that God formed me in a way that could have not happened ANY other way. Often when we truly listen and do not guard ourselves we do not always like what we are hearing, what is being asked of us, but, I encourage us to not turn our ear, but open ourselves with the knowledge that God is creating us in HIS image and moving in our lives to transform the world for Him.

yes..I am green

2009-02-11T17:41:00.000-08:00

Ok so I am green..getting more and more that way... especially about the amount of waste we as a "world" produce. I think I am aware because of where I live. In the U.S. we are shielded from garbage disposal...we don't see the AMOUNT of waste we produce, each one of us. But here I see it all the time and it is naaaaasty and there is so much of it and so much of it just sits around for a long time if not forever. So here are 5 suggestions for you that would make a HUGE difference in your waste production. PLEASE consider trying one or all of these and see if you can't make a habit of it and become a little kinder to our world.

1. try to stop using paper towels freely, try to use a dish towel for most things and only use paper towels for big hard to clean up messes.

2. try to stop using paper plates & plastic cups

3. Buy reuse-able shopping bags (they are everywhere) and use them whenever you shop.

4. STOP..PLEASE..STOP with the bottles of water! Use a refillable water bottle, even better get a filter for your tap water.
•30 million single-serve non-returnable containers end up
in landﬁ lls or as litter every day.

5. Bring a travel mug to Starbucks or wherever you go for your cup of Joe .

to me...

2009-02-05T07:09:00.001-08:00

....it is a no brainer... Your corporation takes a government bail out, you, as a executive of this failing corp. take a pay cut. I heard a man say this was crazy that the government shouldn't get involved in the compensation packages of the private sector. Ok then, the private sector should not ask for tax payers money to bail out their corporation. To me, it is pretty simple.

call it what it is, right?

2009-01-20T20:02:00.000-08:00

It is easy to point a finger and "call sin, sin" for things we would all agree is "sinful" behavior; physical abuse of any kind, murder, theft, adultery, substance abuse, etc. But i have to ask those who can easily point the finger of judgement on these issues and take harsh stances on the "rightness" of their judgment based on God's word why stop there?
Where is the same judgement when we are faced with issues like; greed, selfishness, letting the hungry go hungry, for letting the homeless stay without shelter, let the naked remain naked?
When we make choices everyday that cause these realities to remain, where is the finger of judgment? When we are living in ways that do not reflect the lordship of our lives in these ways do we not take the same stand for God's word?
When we keep so much for ourselves and allow ourselves luxuries and excesses to the lack of basic human needs for so many others where is our voice? When are lives are spent on ourselves and the betterment of our own lives to the lack of millions of others who do not even have clean water, when we see this behavior do we have the same outrage? We do not have to look far to see the answer is no. The sad thing is we are blinded to the truth of it all. We clearly do not really care about God's creation of humanity that is all around us. We clearly do not look at EVERYONE as equal as in the eyes of God, because if we did, would we, could we, turn our heads and choose to let people die. Oh, it is easy to shout about murder, sexual sin, theft, substance abuse, bad language, the way people dress and so on..but really, this is an easy moral high road to walk. We know what sin is and my goodness we would never do THAT!
But what about the other..
what if... I was called out for buying a car that was way beyond what I needed and was asked why I didn't give that money to the poor?
what if..I was called out for buying bigger and and more grand houses, when I could have stayed where I was, comfortably, and put someone else into safe and clean shelter...
What if I was called out for spending more on a new pair of shoes than some people make in a year......and so on?
As we think about judging the actions of others and what is "right"in the eyes of God let us look to Matthew 25 and see what will be on God's mind when we stand before him.

A meditation to begin 2009

2009-01-01T21:35:00.000-08:00

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God. micah 6:8

With honesty...

2008-12-20T06:37:00.000-08:00

and the best of intentions I received this e-mail

Christmas Blessing

Even knowing the good intention of this e-mail I have fundamental issues with much of the message it expresses. IF this is true and if these are the ways God blessed us, what this is saying is;

75% of the world God has chosen not to bless with a place to sleep
92 % of the world are poor because God only has chosen to give wealth to 8% of us
1 million people will die today because he has failedl to give them health
500 million people face loneliness, torture, imprisonment and starvation because God has decided to leave them behind

So when it (wealth) is given and it IS God's, and we are only conduits, I have to ask the question; Why are the above statistics true. Why, WHY as God's people are 8% of us holding 92% of wealth? Why are we in turn not taking care of the 92%, the 1 million, the 500 million. How is this possible?? Does not God want his people to be an extension of his love and mercy.
(When a mommy prays for food to feed her babies, does he not want us, through him, be the answer to that prayer?)

I know we all make an attempt at it, but I think we all simply play at it. Lots us like the "idea" of caring for the poor, it's good in theory and it sure sounds good. But we really are not willing to live in such a way that really changes things. We do not want to live in a way that says we really care about those who are at the bottom. We don't want to live in a way that reflects true, real & felt sacrifice. We do not want to say no to what we want, to what we think we deserve to make a difference in the world. We want to help, but not to the point of saying no to our own desires.
If I make more, then surely that means God thinks I deserve to have more; a bigger house, a nicer car, better & nicer clothes, to have the latest and greatest toys, more & better food, vacations to the best places where I can leave it all behind and be pampered (and as I leave "it" all behind, people continue to struggle to survive, when can they leave it all behind).
We know what we want and by god we will work hard to get it. But would we ever consider working hard to get ahead so we can be more active in the world providing for those who cannot provide for themselves. Would we work so hard if it wasn't about our own advancement?
So as we make the choices we make, live with blinders on, those who are hungry continue to be hungry, the sick remain sick, those unjustly held in captivity remain there, those being killed in the midst of a genocide will continue to be killed. Because we choose to turn our heads and believe everyone lives like we do and all is well within the world.

This is a time of year many of us focus more intentionally on giving. Sadly enough it somehow soothes [our] souls, because deep down we know, we know it is because we are trying to make right the guilt we feel and yet, for some of us there is no guilt, because we truly are just fine with the way things are.

I want to believe I am better than what I show to the world. I want to believe deep down I am capable of loving the way God loves. But it needs to be intensional until it becomes a Godly transformation and the things God cares about becomes the things I care about.
So I ask God to make me intentional and to have a heart that reflects the love and mercy I have received from Him.

2008-12-02T20:29:00.001-08:00

Should this change anything?

2008-12-01T21:16:00.000-08:00

or are we entitled? Just something to think about?

just a little question..

2008-11-15T19:22:00.000-08:00

Not thinking very deep here, but I have to ask;

why is halloween a reason to run around with basically no clothes on???

Nov 4 2008

2008-11-09T17:58:00.000-08:00

1955 and the civil rights movement, 53 short years ago, (even less really because the mid fifties was the beginning.) basic rights denied to people because of their skin color.

I was one when the march on Washington happened. I studied the movement in school, but I was in school in a very small town in New Hampshire, and we didn't even have any black students and it was all very distant to me. But I can remember vividly standing my living room in Hendersonville TN. when the breaking news of the OJ Simpson trial came on the TV and the verdict was read.. I remember feeling this great divide between white americans and african americans. I know the outrage/support of the trial and verdict was not totally outlined by rational lines but by a great degree it felt that way to me. I can remember watching coverage, images of the nations reaction and the polarization of the nation became vivid to me.

Nov. 4th 2008 was a different picture...one I will also remember forever, one that awed me to the core, when I watch the crowds as President-elect Obama was making his acceptance speech. Images of white faces and black faces side by side crying, screaming, cheering, hugging. Joined together in this historic moment. It was not a black president elected by black americans it was a man elected by the majority, all inclusive; white, black, hispanic, asian, regardless of his race. Now that is amazing! 50 (or so) short years ago black people couldn't even vote in the United States.

It was not a "race" campaign, Never heard McCain talk race, never heard Obama talk race; until it was all said and done and the acknowledgment of the history that had been made for all americans, but especially african americans was made by both men. And as I look back at the pictures I posted I am proud for our fellow americans.

I was talking with one of my employees Gina, after the election and she told me that nobody from Honduras thought Obama would win the election, not because they thought he was unqualified or unfit, BUT because we would never elect him BECAUSE he was black. I sat across from her totally getting how people see us.

How can you not be proud of what this speaks of us as a people, as a country. Of the realization that we are a people created equal. This is the core of what this country was founded on, freedom.

I am proud as an American and as one living in another country I am proud of what we have spoken to the world and the people I now live among.

ONE Vote 08

2008-10-30T15:41:00.000-07:00

ONE is a nonpartisan organization that does not endorse or oppose any candidate, but we do want you to know where the candidates stand as you go to the polls. You can see Obama's and McCain's plans side-by-side by clicking on the link below. While you're there, make sure to check out our exclusive video interviews with John McCain and Barack Obama.

Click on the link below to read the report...

McCain's and Obama's Public Commitments to Address Global Poverty Final Report

from a reeling mind

2008-10-29T16:35:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have said it all a 1000 and 1 times but yet, it is what spills from my heart. Somedays I STILL can not wrap my mind around the life that people live.
I love my husband..I am beyond thankful that today he took Melvin and Onieda to the grocery store and "loaded up"...I couldn't have been more happy than if he given me a string of pearls or taken me on a romantic vacation. Can't explain it, I just feel so happy about it. He jokes a lot about "melvin, the money pit" I know he never thinks twice about the money that goes from us to them, but for him to do it with out me was so cool. He cares for people all the time nothing new for him, like i said can't explain it..

I am so worried about Yonni, a seventeen year boy with the burden of his family on his shoulders. I hope when he came home to a full refrig and food in the cocina he could breathe a bit easier for awhile, knowing they will eat not worrying if they will eat. I am so proud of the man he is..he could so easily say "screw it" and walk away, but he is working hard to provide for his siblings, a burden that is just not right. He is more a man than some "men" i know. When I think of the 14 year old boy I met over 3 years ago and how on the edge he was, scrambling for meaning and understanding of why his father AND mother died. Trying to understand a life of poverty while his sister was fighting for her life in the hospital, and only by the grace of God and His people moving in their lives, she too would be dead. Trying to understand "why" every thing, EVERYTHING is so damn hard and it never NEVER changes.

It's cold.. I talk about how "glorious" the weather is , well sure for me it is. I have the right clothes, a nice cozy house, everything i need to be comfortable. I looked around their house..do they all have a blanket..will they be warm. The house is damp and cold.

I stand outside looking around, dirty, hunger and cold children. Everyone trying to keep dry and warm, digging the mud from the massive rains from there houses trying to salvage their homes..The air is cold, the sun is dropping, how many of them will not be able to keep warm tonight? How many have prayers for God's intervention in the hopelessness they feel trying to simple survive day after day.

Somedays are just harder than others for me, but I am mindful that for some ALL days are hard.

For the record..

2008-10-28T22:06:00.000-07:00

President Bush's Africa Legacy: Q&A with Todd Moss

If you build it …

2008-10-26T07:35:00.000-07:00

The following is a post from a blog I read HARVESTBOSTON
Had to share it because MAN IT FIRED ME UP. Not as if this is the first time this has happen and not as if it doesn't cross denominational lines, and not as if a 1 million dollar building project isn't as offensive. My mind is spinning.

from HarvestBoston; (click on name it is a link)

Thanks to Agent B for ruining our Saturday by passing along this tidbit of news out of Abilene.

Chrissy and I both know this church well from our time in the Friendly Frontier, our best friends attended there for 6 years, and we even attended there for a short time. This is a loving community that has grown by leaps and bounds over the last 10 years. But the news that this church is taking out a loan for $9+ million to more than double the size of their already 75,000 square foot building … well, to steal a phrase from my good buddy Miller, “fires up my Tourette’s.” I’m angry at this

And I just couldn’t keep it to myself … not on this. Here’s what I wrote in the comments section of the Reporter-News article:

Until every person in Abilene has a place to sleep tonight…

…and a warm meal

…and a set of warm clothes

…and a few friends to love them

…and an opportunity to work with their hands

I don’t want to hear one more story of another congregation “building bigger barns” — saying nothing of $9 million ones. In fact, my stomach turns at the Beltway news when I think about the number of hurting people right under their noses and around the world, especially in today’s economic climate.

As I recall, Jesus will not judge his people based on the number of bodies “ministered to” or the square footage of our church campuses or how many “Lord, Lords” we utter, but on how we treat the hungry, the imprisoned, the naked. In James, the writer describes “true religion” as how God’s people care for widows and orphans. Amos told Israel that God’s judgment was coming against it because they built stone buildings and vineyards and gave abundant grain and burnt offerings … but disregarded the poor and oppressed.

I think about the number of non-profits and faith-based groups in Abilene who are working out on the margins of society, in the gutters, and in unglamorous ways — and who scrape by for funds. I know of directors of ministries who take no salary so that those funds might be redirected to the people and projects who need it the most.

How far could $9.5 million go toward ending homelessness in Abilene?
The Beltway news is certainly not surprising, but it is shocking all the same. I love and have loved many people at Beltway, but this expansion is unacceptable. There, I said it. When 80% of a church’s funds are put toward facilities and salaries, Jesus cries. He must be sobbing at this news.

If my comment sounds angry and judgmental, that’s because it is. =) Few things fire me up like stories of churches and church leaders a) abusing their influence over the flock by using “God’s will” as a rationale to do just about anything; and b) totally missing the point (in this case, assuming that God cannot work through the congregation unless they build this building). The thing that gets me is that in a member vote (after an impassioned plea from the pastor basically saying that the leadership believe this expansion is the way God is leading the church), a whopping 99% of the voters approved the project. How, out of 3,000+ members/lurkers, could virtually no one oppose this? Are Beltway members so blindly trusting of their leadership that they’ll go along with anything? Could it really be God’s will that $9.5 million be spent to expand a church’s worship space and parking lot? Digital children’s Sunday School check-in kiosks? Really?

what to do?

2008-10-09T18:15:00.000-07:00

I was driving today and I was talking to myself (that doesn't really surprise anyone does it?) I was looking around thinking do I see it the same? I began to pray that God would always give me eyes that could see the reality of what was around me.

This morning Mark and I went in two different directions, not at all out of the ordinary. I spend M-F at the center, working on a variety of things as our programs runs and grows. Mark is usually out and about in communities, making contacts, going to new places scouting for groups, finding the most vulnerable who need help. This morning I headed to the center. I had a pretty full morning and Mark headed out with his Land Cruiser loaded with Bologna sandwiches. Today he was passing out sandwiches, on the streets and in some communities.
About 2 o'clock Mark and I met up, went to Mololoa (together!) I have been so busy lately at the center that it had been a while since I had been there, driving up into the community. We had a couple of things to accomplish, we needed to make a delivery to Dylcia and we had more sandwiches so we wanted to distribute them.
We were driving up the mountain, a road I have driven, countless times..really i couldn't tell you how much time mark and I have spent in this place with these people. It was clear the rain and water was having an effect of the community as it always, a lot of erosion. Houses in jeopardy, the road un-passable in places. As we were driving I was looking around and I could see it, it looked different to me. I said to Mark "it looks poorer" In such a short time, I could see a visible shift in the well-being in the community. I don't know if I can even explain it, what it is I saw but it was there.
We parked I walked through the gate to dylcia's house and the back side of the house and beyond was covered with a tarp, the mountain is washing in..so they are trying to keep the water out. Dylcia wasn't home, talked to her mom and heard the children, her two youngest had been sick. Dylcia was out working.
Up by the truck we passed out sandwiches, and it never takes long for the news to get around. Kids came from around every corner. Little dirty faces, no shoes, diaper-less but smiling hungry children. They sat down right by the truck and ate, running sandwiches back to their families and telling their neighbors. Everyone is hungry. For mother's like Dylcia a choice of food or medicine is a reality, what a choice to have to make?

"With the world economy in a downturn, we can not forget the people who are dealing with the crisis who started in a crisis: the poor of the developing world. A sixth of the world’s population is facing devastating hunger. The slow progress against hunger in the past is now starting to decline.

Reported in a recent article in Market Watch, the World Bank acknowledges that, “For those already struggling to meet their daily food and nutrient needs, the double shock of food and fuel prices rises represents a threat to basic survival. The poorest households are reducing the quantity and/or quality of the food, schooling, and basic services they consume, leading to irreparable damage to the health and education of millions of children.” (taken from the bread blog)

People are really starving. Children go to bed hungry, food cost more, they have the same amount of money so they simply do not eat. Think of how the economy has effected you? Now think of those who started out living in extreme poverty.

In times like this, we CAN NOT forget these people, these souls. We need to, even more now, look out for them, to throw a life line, in the midst of our own struggle. We can not be tempted during these hard time to hold on to what we have , we need to keep "spending ourselves" It has been quotes; “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

Poverty is Evil and we are stand against evil, NO?

My day today made me think of this story;

The Widow's Offering
Luke 21
1 As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. 2He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins.[a] 3"I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. 4All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."

I was thankful for answered prayer today.

Worth Considering

2008-10-06T09:29:00.000-07:00

“We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.”
Chuck Palahniuk

a few questions I have...

2008-09-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

1. why does american cereal have to cost $10.00 a box?

2. do all taxi drivers go to the same stupid school?

3. is it really necessary for the construction men across the street to pee where I can see them?

4. why does the fabric store have 3 lines and you have to go to all 3 to check out.. when they all do the same thing?

5. why don't they grow basil in Honduras?

6. why can't you get good ice cream here? I miss ben and Jerry

7. is it really safe for parking decks to have one lane in AND out

8. why are carrots the size of cucumbers in Honduras? Should I be scared???

9. why do you get stopped for not wearing a safey belt but 100 people can ride standing up in a bus with bad brakes...where is the real safety issue here??

and

10. why does 1 hour ALWAYS mean 2 days, a week or who know how long???

Hopelessly Optimistic

Good Bites {1}

Gandhi said

"Poverty is the worst form of Violence"

The box is open

Just breathe

My relationship with food

Community living

HOW'S THE RUNNING...

History

Water.....

Hearty, Healthy and Yummy

Farro Salad with Tomatoes and HerbsRecipe from Giada De Laurentiis cookbook

Farro Salad with Tomatoes and Herbs

Ingredients

Directions

Quick side

Cooking Magazines....

Confession Time

Man-go get um

1. Cut down both side of the large pit in the middle

3. Push the half inside out and slice off cubes

Health benefits of Mangoes

diet treadmill and jumping off

Book Review

Black Bean and Corn Salad

Wellness

Missing

In the box

Fuel

Back on the road

this is whats happening

Just asking

Project 365

What's Christmas without sweets?

Time to go and leave a few comforts behind

running update

A week off

Be the change..

Hopelessly Optimistic

3 ways you know

Morning chat with Maya

3 things about today

Cookbooks and holiday dreams

New Mile Stone

Tired of Religion

Called to LOVE

read it different, sometimes it changes your view point

Apparently I am a fraud...

RUNNING

Mother's Day

Good Reads!

What If Jesus Meant All That Stuff? by Shane Claiborne

Love is stronger than death

The Cross and the heart of God

Hope Opens the future

After Silence Comes Joy

Broken Soil

Entering The Silence Within

God Chose To reveal Divine Love

The Power of Weakness

Lifted Up By Christ

Look no further

We are sent into the world

We are sent into the world

Searching for God

Loving God: Our first duty

Love of God means love of others

Temptations

Giving what has been given

Living With Interruptions

Joy, Even in suffering

Ash Wednesday

Breaking the silence

rambling.......for what it is worth

It is GREAT to be a Lola!

The world needs Good Samaritans

Words I needed to hear...again!

I'm a beggar

Being present in the moment

Farro Salad with Tomatoes and Herbs
Recipe from Giada De Laurentiis cookbook